Don't Mess.

Everything in life is about balance: Be confident but not prideful; be humble but not a doormat; indulge every once in a while but always be in control; express how you feel but don't be irrational; not everyone needs to know everything but be honest in all your dealings....it makes it hard to know where the line is, and takes constant course correction. 


If I were to be described in terms of personality tests The Color Code says I'm a Blue/White, Meyers-Briggs calls me the INFJ Counselor; and Kiersey labels me as an Idealist. Basically, I'm a lover and a feeler. It's what I do. I love without conditions, trust cautiously, strive to be nothing but genuine with people, and I value integrity higher than any other virtue. In theory this all sounds really great and noble, but occasionally it can be perceived as naive and soft.


But I don't love out of naivety. I love out of choice. I see the deceit and wickedness of the world and choose to love anyway. I know that most people don't prize integrity as much as I do, and everyone has different perceptions of what's acceptable behavior. We've all been raised in different realities, and have different belief systems of how to live our lives. And in the face of all of those facts, loving everyone unconditionally and without cause leaves you looking like an easy target, or a necessity for coddling. Therefore, I believe that while love is given freely, trust should be given sparingly.


Because of the status of the world and how much I've been burned in the past, I trust very conditionally. Based mostly on intuition and continuous honesty: if you can tell me I should probably not wear that dress, and that you hate it when I whistle, your trust factor goes up. BS makes my top 5 pet peeve list. Honesty shows respect.


I am 25, I have life experience and have seen and been through situations that have shaped me into, what I would consider, a relatively rational, mature adult. I see reality for what it is, I simply choose not to sink to its level. I choose to tow the line of realism and optimism; being thick-skinned and soft-hearted; and loving without restraint in a world of filth and sorrow despite the consequences. 

Just let it go...

I used to think unrequited love was the worst thing imaginable. I've since proven myself wrong. Self-forbidden love is far worse. Attraction is a principle that I don't think I'll ever understand. Why is Susie attracted to Billy when Billy's attracted to Janie? Better yet, why are Bill and Mary attracted to each other when Bill likes to drink beer and Mary wants to be married in the temple? I have no idea. Here is where I would like to add the disclaimer that I am, by no means, listening to Dashboard and screaming at the heavens while slashing at my wrists. I'm actually quite far from that place. This here post is simply a step back from years of mutual attraction between me and men I shouldn't date, to look at what has come of all of it. And here's what I've gleaned:

Sacrifice for future progression.

In the past, I tried really hard to make each of these situations work. Sarah meets Boy and thinks he's attractive, but carries on with life. One day Boy makes a move and Sarah remembers that sometimes boys like her. Mutual interest is born. Sarah and Boy know that it's unfair to try to make relationship work, but Sarah remains secretly hopeful and falls anyway. Hard. Followed by pain. The end.

However, this last time around, I've realized a couple things:
1. I love Jesus
2. I want family built on a solid Gospel foundation
3. In order to have a Christ-centered home, I must have a Christ-centered husband.

And for some reason, despite facts 1 & 2, I cannot find a freakin #3. For some unknown reason I'm not typically attracted to LDS guys, and for probably the same reason, they're not really attracted to me. It's strange, I know, but true. So this last time, instead of throwing myself emotionally into a trainwreck of the heart, I've decided to sacrifice what I want right now, for what I really want - an eternal family.

It's probably one of the most torturous thing I've ever done to myself. But, I know that sometimes the Lord is already handing us the blessings we want, but we are way to occupied with the mediocrity we happen to be clinging to. Let's hope this is the case.....or else....

Just kidding. When I typed "Just let it go" into Google this is what came up. How could I say no to the Angel of Death? Look how cute he is...see what I mean? Always attracted to the dark ones.

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby...

Or I'm Mormon. So not really.

Let's talk about NCMOs. You all know you've had one. Even those of us who try to pass it off by dating someone we really don't like and continuously telling them (and yourself) that "you still want to give them a chance even though you're not committed because you, in all actuality, don't know".... regardless of the fact that all you do is make out with them....yeah, you know. You know deep in the recesses of your conscience that you're just in it for the lip action.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't believe in NCMOs. Mostly because I don't believe in hurting others, or knowingly thrusting myself into heartache. And let's face it, no one has ever come out of one of those unscathed. At the very least, you feel dirty and used, and even if you weren't interested, the moment you're done it's a freakin race to get the hottest boyfriend possible before he shows up with America's next top model.

With all that being said, there's lots of boy talk and making out flying around our house these days, and it's making me itch just a little...or a lot. But regardless of how much I wanna put my tally on that white board (honestly, who does that!?...) becoming a lesser human being by abasing my morals and giving in to some lustful desire that's just going to leave me feeling crappy at the end anyway, is totally not worth it.

So in the mean time, I'll be over here. With my self-imposed hyper-chaste morals keeping me warm at night.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

So I've been thinking....about dating. It's a lot like food.

I really love brussel sprouts. I also really love sushi, broccoli, eggplant, dark chocolate, squash in all its varieties, chicken hearts, olives, mushrooms....the list goes on.

But I really detest Jello. Hate it. I mean seriously....look:

In nature bright colors = poisonous

Agh! .....oh......oh ew...

Why is this bedded in arugala!?

This recipe exists. I own the cookbook.
(Not funny mom.)

It's milky....and white....with colored chunks?

And if it's not disgusting enough by itself....

But I digress....

I also don't like french fries, maraschino cherries, coffee flavoring, mint in my chocolate, bleu cheese, salmon, and in general I'm EXTREMELY selective about my hamburgers.

Now, this isn't about my tastebuds, so stop being outraged. Just because I don't like those things doesn't mean that they're bad (Except Jello). And just because I like the other things, doesn't mean that they're good, it just means I like them. It's a matter of preference.

Dating is the same. It's all a matter of preference. I like tall guys with dark hair. I also like them super confident, slightly sassy, and exceptionally smart, cause let's face it...I need to be put in my place :) However, this doesn't mean that nobody ever likes smaller, quiet, shy guys. In fact, it doesn't mean that I don't like them. It just means that I prefer the other one. It's what I'm attracted to. But, just like my tastebuds, I can change over time. Sometimes even if I'm not initially attracted to a guy, he grows on me and my preference changes, and sometimes it doesn't. 

So people, what I'm trying to say is: when I say that I want the vanilla ice cream instead of the chocolate, it's not because the chocolate sucks (we all know that's not true). It's because I prefer it. And when the cute boy I like decides to go for the younger, more petite, lots of eyeliner girl, it's not because she's better than me, it's because she's different, and that different happens to be his vanilla. 

In Less Than 2 Minutes

Because I've been blocked for blogging material recently, I decided to turn to my dear Facebook friends for blog-spiration, and it turns out the majority want to see random cat pictures....

Now, some of you had some good ideas, and I'll ponder on them. To you cat people: thanks for crappy suggestions. 

Since I write based on my life anyway, I thought I'd do a quick Sarah-Scan to see if anything came up. Hence, I give you:

Sarah Murray: In Less Than 2 Minutes (Divided, of course, into categories and bullet points, sprinkled with sarcasm for your reading pleasure)

Chapter 1: A Brief History

I grew up a redneck, turned into a hippie and became a Mormon. I'm now a free-spirit with morals and a really bad sunburn.

Chapter 2: Likes and Loathes

I love mornings and hate jello. Doing nothing and accomplishing everything are both my favorite. I detest wearing shoes, but love the way they look on my feet. I love my bed time and will ignore it for 3 reasons:

1. To help someone in need
2. A great conversation
3. To cuddle with a boy

I love Escanaba, MI but will never live there. I am petrified of having full-length conversations on the phone, and avoid Facebook chat at all costs. I like Winter cause I look cute. My favorite hygienic activity is brushing my teeth.

Chapter 3: If I were....

A car, I'd be a Mini Cooper. An animal, I'd be a Penguin. Color: Deep Violet, Country: Morocco, Season: Autumn, Instrument: Bassoon, Music: Psychedelic Rock, Alcohol: Cognac 

Chapter 4: Music

Here are my iPod playlists:

• 17 Again
• Cheer up Emo Kid
• Comfortably Numb
• Jesus Music
• Kick It!
• Ladies Night
• Like a Villian
• PMS With a Gun
• Prozac
• Road Trippin'
• Soul Sista

Chapter 5: Loves and Losses

Joel Asher was my first love, we were going to get married and ride to pre-school on a purple school bus together; he moved to Wyoming before pre-school started.  There are 2 men I would've given my heart away to, I dated neither. My first kiss is still my best.

Chapter 6: Laws of Attraction

I love tall, skinny smart men who dress like old guys. I was recently converted to younger men. Gauged ears are my weakness.

Chapter 7: Things I Think are Useless

Feminists.

Eat My Pie

I started a new blog. Partially because I love blogging, and partially because I have a disease called over-productivity. Somewhere in the hustle and bustle of my life, I lost my ability to do things for myself. So with the help of some friends, we decided I would start a new blog. It will be a pretty personal, intimate look at Sarah and the on goings in my life. I'm anticipating less sassy and confident, and more vulnerable and artsy. So if you're into that kinda thing, feel free to visit it from time to time. It won't be posted on Facebook for the masses, just on it's own, mostly for me. So for those of you who care, I introduce to you:

Eat My Pie.

Was that really necessary?

Julie B. Beck once suggested organizing our lives into things that are essential, things that are necessary, and things that are nice. And I thought "How could this relate to dating?" Well, if you remember, in a previous post I resolved to throw out the checklist until I'm actually dating someone seriously, which just made my "are you worth my time" checklist into my "should I marry this guy" checklist. So I thought I'd give it a little read through using this "essential, necessary, nice" classification...

Is it too long? Possibly a little too demanding? Is my desire to have my future husband ride in on a Harley decked out in leather and smelling of sweet musky man unreasonable?

Probably. Which means it's time to revamp the 'ol list, starting with the essentials:

So what is the difference between essential and necessary?

Essentials, for me, are those things that would allow me to be confident the two of us could make it work if and only if we were the last two people on Earth:

• Regular Temple Attendance
• Personal relationship with the Savior
• Complete conversion to the Gospel 
• Honors his Priesthood
• Doesn't believe divorce is an option (not that that would matter if we were the only two people on Earth)

Then we have the Necessary things, those oh-so important personality traits that I need to ensure I don't stab my spouse:

• Sense of humor
• Communicates well
• Understanding
• Listens
• Self-Esteem
• Social aptitude
• Physically active

And the Nice things, these are usually the things we think we need, but don't:

• Assertive
• Outgoing
• Strong physical connection
• Has a budget
• Doesn't like Will Ferrell movies...

Now, obviously, these are just off the top of my head and nowhere near a completed list, but the point is that I feel like our ideals may get skewed just a teensy bit by that list we make in Young Women's:

• Returned Missionary
• Eagle Scout
• Blue Eyes
• Likes it when I twirl my skirt like this...
• Rides a white steed

....that might have been an exaggeration, but you get the point. What I'm trying to say is that I feel like we often spend so much time making these lists, that we forget what we actually need in a companion and end up creating an unaccomplishable ideal. So, men and brethren/ sistren, I ask you:

Is everything on your list a necessity?
Is it even reasonable?
Can you live up to your own list?

If you answered no to any of these, you might be a hypocrite. It's ok, I am too.

Really? Still not essential?

But seriously, I've been revamping my list, and in doing so, I'm realizing that some of the guys I decided to give the boot, probably deserve a second chance. Because as I've been observing the great examples of happy marriages in my life, I'm discovering that the things that I love about them are the things they've developed over years of marriage. Just like we can't start out with the nice house, a Harley and stable job, you can't start a relationship with 20+ years of shared experiences and understanding the small things about your spouse. These things are the blessings of hard-work and we can't expect rewards for a work we haven't done now can we?

One Less Lonely Girl...

I got into a pretty heated discussion about dating and "the Lord's timing" a couple weeks ago. It was the usual: Girls complaining about not being asked on dates, Guys complaining about girls complaining, and everyone coming to the same resolutions "Well, there really aren't any answers," and "It'll all happen in the Lord's time."

First of all, let's talk about there not being any answers. Really!? Marriage is a commandment, the highest ordinance one can receive in this life. Eternal families are the whole reason we're here. Plus, with how often we get the marriage talk, do you really think that the Lord is going to leave us with zero answers?  Go ahead...think about it...

Didn't think so.

So for those of you sitting around wondering "Why am I still single?" let me give you my 2 cents: I believe that we all need to form our own "Dating Identity."

Story time!
Once upon a time I had a roommate who consistently had at least 5 different suitors at a time. I, on the other hand, had none. So in order the gain the attention of the male population, I would observe the behaviors of said fair maiden and try to mimic her actions. When I did this, not only did I feel like I was living a lie, but my efforts were completely unsuccessful, because we were 2 entirely different people. However, there were still 2 undeniable facts:

1. I had no dates
2. She had lots

But when I was trying to be like her, my efforts were failing miserably. Why? Well, because I wasn't her. She had the gift to be sincerely interested in everything about everyone. Plus, she had the hair flipping, arm touching and cute laughing all perfectly timed to the millisecond. I didn't have any of that, in fact, my strengths are completely different....not to mention I'm not really good at timing the hair flip/lip lick/cute giggle thing.....

So how was I supposed to get a boy's attention!?

Always distracted by food....

Well, I realized that she didn't actually have anything special, she just knew how be her "shiniest" self. Which meant all I really needed to do was harness the most comfortable, confident, out-going Sarah that existed. So I took a self assessment, and found my shiny alter-ego: witty, sassy, side-smile, squeeze-his-bicep Sarah.

The end.

Good story huh? :)

Basically, when we say we have no answers, it's because we think we need to be or say or do something that feels very unlike us. But in all reality, you need to be, say and do things that are 100% you. So figure out who your flirting alter-ego is and run with it. And in case you care, here's my 3-part formula for flirting comfortability:

1. Recognize your own talents and gifts - These are tools the Lord has given you, as you grow and develop them, your confidence around people grows because you feel like you have something to offer.
2.Do whatever it is you need to do to feel attractive - not be attractive, that's subjective. If you feel attractive, you're going to look attractive, and vice versa.
3. Forward momentum - You have to make some kind of movement. Fate doesn't exist, and God doesn't bless the lazy or the stupid. Get out of your comfort zone and make the magic happen.

Which brings me to "it's all in the Lord's timing," need I refer you all to President Uchtdorf's talk on Patience yet again?

"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don’t appear instantly or without effort. There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears... It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed."

Thank you Dieter, I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, if we apply this to dating, I ask you:

Are you doing all you can to pursue marriage? If not, stop complaining and ask the Lord what else you can do. If you are, you shouldn't be complaining anyway.

In The Interim...

Lately I've been feeling a lot of things:

Inadequacy

Heartbreak

Homesickness

Discouragement

Fear

Overwhelment

Frustration

And all of that coupled with a highly active church calling and feeling like I'm behind at work leads to lots of over-thinking. Church today was definitely needed. I realized that regardless of all of the things that are going on in my life, despite all of the emotions that I'm feeling there is only one thing that matters: My relationship with the Savior. It is my anchor in the storm, and when there is too much to handle - and I can't even hold all of my tasks in one hand, let alone accomplish them all - if I, like Peter walking on the water, just keep my eyes on the Savior, I can accomplish miracles in the storms of my life. 

I used to see church as an inconvenience, 3 hours of meetings that I had to sit through. But now it's my refuge. Today I walked in "ready for bed." I was tired, beaten down, grumpy and completely antisocial. I have to admit that the thought of sitting through Sacrament talks was almost too much for me. But as each speaker spoke I felt life being slowly breathed back into my soul. My light, which had been dimmed by the world throughout the week, was being replenished by the Spirit. It was a magnificent feeling. And while I still felt tired, I also felt joy and light. 

The Gospel is my refuge from the storm, and each day I grow continually more and more grateful for it in my life. 

I painted this for a friend. It represents where I want to be...

 6 Yea, they shall not be beaten down by the storm at the last day; yea, neither shall they be harrowed up by the whirlwinds; but when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them.

 7 But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day.

3 Tips for Hitting on Me

After Brother Healey's testimony Sunday, you're probably looking for some pointers anyway right? Now, I'm not saying this is a guide for picking up on any and all women. All opinions expressed in the following post are expressly those of Sarah A. Murray, and as such, no other females should be held responsible for said opinions. And since I did no conferring with any of my friends about this, if you're female and you disagree with anything said or have more to add, please feel free to comment :)

Tip #1: Sincere Compliments

Anytime a guy starts off with "You have amazing eyes" or "You're beautiful," I'm immediately turned off. Look, I can tell if you think I'm attractive, and if you're flirting with me those are both givens. So let's just...skip the obvious. Plus, not only did you use that line on the last girl you hit on, but how deep in the crevices of your itty bitty little cranium did you have to dig for that one? How about you get to know me, and use some creativity? Plus, you're a goober.

What's a sincere creative compliment you ask? Well, the other night during a conversation a guy told me that I fascinate him. Umm....win. Why? Let me think for a second about things that "fascinate" me: the human mind, anatomy, the artistic process, psychology, dynamics between differing cultures and how they interact, the Creation of the World. The definition of fascinate is "to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm, unusual nature, or some other special quality." Do I want to be fascinating? Heck. Yes.

Now, let me also insert here that I actually really enjoy being told that I'm beautiful. I don't even mind being told that I look sexy (I think foxy was my favorite...), however, it's all based on the timing of the compliment. I want my beauty to be all encompassing. I pride myself on my intelligence, humor, confidence, integrity, compassion and most importantly my testimony of the Savior. Looks don't even make my list. When you say that I'm beautiful, I want you to think all of me is beautiful. And frankly, if you drop it within 3 minutes of knowing me, I don't care to hear what else you have to say. 

Tip #2: Nerves are good

I love when a boy is nervous. Not in a sadistic way, or because I think I'm awesome; I just feel like nervousness is the epitome of sincerity. I love when you're walking around trying to get the gumption to sit next to me, or talk to me, or when you avoid eye contact because you're trying to calm yourself down. Personally, the nervous laugh is my favorite, it's like you're trying to laugh the butterflies out so that you can just be suave. Don't be suave, it's terribly unattractive. Be nervous, it's genuine. You don't even have to say the right thing because just by being nervous you've pretty much secured yourself a date. 


Tip #3: Be Transparent
When I like a boy, I try to do everything I can to make sure that he doesn't know that I like him....real Jr. High Sarah. What am I accomplishing with that? The exact opposite of what I want to accomplish, that's what. Basically, it's imperative that non-verbally you're transparent with me. 


Example:
Recently I was in a small social setting with a particular boy, and when he would say something funny he would look at me to make sure I was laughing. Once he saw I was, he'd smile really big. I could see that he was giving himself a little pep talk before each comment, and a pat on the back after each corresponding laugh....which was pretty adorable. Plus, it was obvious that he just wanted to see me smile. 


He was trying to impress me, not in the egotistical "I killed a shark with my bare hands" kind of way, but in the adorable "I'm hoping my quirks strengths are enough" way. Most of the time I fall for someone in the moments when I see something hidden that they haven't played up because they don't see it as a strength. When they're not trying to be anything. Just know it's a good thing that I know that you like me. 


My dear male blogstalkers, I know I give you a hard time a lot, and I apologize for having previously done so. However, I hope that you will accept these tips as a peace offering and go forth, armed with new found knowledge to woo the wonderful women in your life.

To the Boys

And boys you shall remain until you can follow these simple rules of engagement (no pun intended).

This weekend I went on a double date. And while it was completely out of the blue and extremely thrown together last minute, it was the best date of my life. Why you ask?

                                           

Midnight Capture the Flag with Nerf Guns

How could that be more awesome!? That's right, it can't.

And this superbly fantastic date got me thinking about some things. So here we go. Boys, pay close attention.

Dating do: Spontaneity. Last minute is cute, endearing, fun and really exciting. Especially for someone like me who has their life completely mapped out to the minute. I welcome distractions.

However, let me tell you about the experience I had the following day:

 Boy is texting me and asks what I'm doing that night. I tell him I'm going to the Bee's game and he says "You should ditch it and come on a date with me." I figure I could be persuaded, so I ask him what we're gonna do and he responds with "Eat food. Whatever you like doing."

What!? No.

Dating don't: Do not play the "ball is in your court" game. When it comes to planning dates, keep the ball. The ball is yours, do not pass it! Remember that you're wooing us. Your job is to make me feel special. My job is to laugh a lot, look/smell really good, continuously touch your elbow/knee/hand, lick my lips and look at you longingly until you want to kiss me. See, the dating game is more like football than tennis. Let's break it down to make sure we all understand:

We start off with our passing game:
You see girl and smile: the ball has been passed
She smiles: She's passed it back!
You approach girl and begin talking:
*Ball is passed back and forth as conversation ensues....*
You ask for her number: Passed the ball
She gives you her number: She passes it back


You now have the ball. Don't give it up. We've moved to the running game: no lateral passes, no fumbling. You are the running back. You cling to that ball like it is your child and you run with it until you cannot run anymore. Now that you've planned the date and she's accepted, we're back to the passing game:

You pick her up: Ball passed
She flirts and is a quality date the entire time....
*important, she still has the ball*
At some point, either vocally or via text, she thanks you and openly encourages a second date: Ball passed back to you.

You now have the ball and we're back to the running game. Now, if you choose, run with it until you can't run anymore.

Women want to feel special. We want to feel like you thought about us. You'll notice that both instances were last minute, in fact, Date #1 had much less time to plan than Date #2 did, but the difference is that he made a decision, and there is something absolutely sexy about a man who makes decisions. It shows confidence. Had Date #2 responded with something like "Don't worry about it, I'll make it worth it. How about 7:00?" I would've laughed, shaken my head and said "Ok :)" (See how I did that with the texting smiley? That's a good sign.)

So what have we learned here? 

1. Girls want to feel special
2. Girls expect boys to make decisions
3. Until boys start making decisions, they will remain boys.

Please direct any hatemail to sarah@boysshouldmakemoredecisions.com and have a great day! :)

In case you were wondering...

It was one of those mornings :)

I Like Boys.

The other day I had two interesting experiences. Both with close guy friends.

Experience 1:

Me: "In 25 years I have been asked out, actually asked on a date, twice. How does that not make me feel unattractive?"
Friend 1: *Stares in space trying to think of the right thing to say*
I could see his gears working real hard so I just waited patiently. After an extended silence...
Friend 1: Yeah, this is where guys and girls are different.....*shrugs* just don't feel that way.
Me: Yeah......that doesn't work.

Experience 2: Discussing a past relationship

Friend 2: She's the one who distanced herself from me, and that was hard, but now that I'm over her she's being all weird and interested in my life again...
Me: Well, girls have to go through a process. After a breakup they have to distance themselves because we're naturally optimistic creatures and if any semblance of hope remains, she'll just always hold onto it. So we have to vilify you in our minds so that the optimism dies. But once that process is complete she needs to come back to make sure it's really dead. Now that's the tricky part because inevitably feelings come back, and, especially if she's lonely, she may try to talk herself back into it, but ultimately what she wants is closure, it's just going to take her a minute to talk herself into actually letting the door close.
Friend 2: *laughing* What!? .....Girls are weird.

And never has a truer statement been made. We are so weird!!! We're so weird we don't even understand us. It's like freaking Wheel of Fortune in our heads all day long. But instead of varying amounts of money, they're emotions. And the wheel is spun by hormones. Sometimes you get 3 R's at 1,000 bucks a piece, and life is good. And sometimes you hit Bankrupt.

Sometimes I wonder why God made us like this. Especially when men are such simple creatures. With such a distinct difference how have people been getting married all these years!? How do boys even like us with all our complications? Personally, I see nothing attractive about women. We're small and we're always freezing. We shed all over the place, and as I've mentioned, we're pretty needy and emotionally complicated. Who wants that?

Men on the other hand, they got all sorts of good stuff going for them. They're all sorts of warm and comfy. There's nothing better than being the little spoon...am I right? When you're with them you feel all safe and cozy, plus because of their lack of emotion, you get to just throw yours out and they make it all better by just holding you. And regardless of the fact that they can be kinda smelly sometimes, the stuff that they use to cover it up is amazing!!! It just makes you wanna snuggle more.

However, when I talk to my guy friends, they feel the exact opposite. They think of all these really great things about girls...things I can't even remember. So I guess the reason the Lord made us like this is because we're complimentary. And eternally I feel like our purpose is to balance each other out.

The best example I have of this is me and one of my friends. We are very different individuals. To put it in the simplest terms: you know the saying "All or nothing?" She is all, and I am nothing. While she's off overdoing things, I'm over here underdoing it. However, we've realized we both need to be somewhere in the middle, and have started learning from each other.

That's how I feel men and women should be. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses, neither is better than the other, but we can both learn something from one another. Which is why I like boys so much, because they balance me. I feel less emotional when I'm around them, like the wheel in my head isn't spinning so much, and I can just be calm, for just a minute.

Bachelor #1

Last night I went in for the nightly feeding of Joplin, and found her keeled over in her wheel breathing extremely shallow. I've seen her in hibernation before, and this wasn't it. I became really worried. She was responsive, but barely. From what I could tell she hadn't touched her food in days and she was pretty skinny. So I quickly Googled how to nurse a malnourished hedgehog back to health, ran to the store to get all the essentials, and came back to care for the little one.

Let's quickly jump back a couple months to my What is the Deal post:

After posting it I got a text from Bachelor #1 praising my blogging talents, and offering an open invitation to discuss the male psyche whenever I wanted. I said I'd take him up on that and call him soon. As those of you who are close to me know, the word "soon" usually means 3 months to never. Finally, Sunday night said Bachelor called and said "I'm sick of waiting for you to call." ...I like boldness. It's hot :) Unfortunately I was at a social event and had to call him back....

Last night:

As I was awake, nursing my sick hedgehog back to health, I decided to call him. We small talked, he'd owned hedgehogs in the past and assured me Joplin would pull through. Then he cut to the chase (again with the boldness...excellently done Bachelor #1) and brought up my blog post. He even had the gumption to ask which of the Bachelors he was....I immediately sang "You're So Vain."

To make a long story with lots of ego-boosting-yet-boring-irrelevant details short, he explained his behavior, and it was pretty much as I suspected. He did like me, but has had a string of bad long-distance relationships, and since he lives out of state he decided to break the chain, a decision I completely agree with.

Now, there are a few reasons for this post:

1. This is what my friend Lauren calls "a win." A boy that I liked, liked me back. And there's nothing better than falling asleep curled up next to your sick hedgehog thinking about that :)

2. I know when a boy likes me....I know when a boy likes me. This is a useful skill.

3. Bachelor #1 increased in sexiness by about 50 points for acting like a man last night. Finally someone who has enough confidence in himself to not only fess up to feelings, but who is willing to be 100% honest about a situation. And because I know that you, sir, are stalking my blog, Congratulations :)

Ladies and Gentleman of the SBSA (Sarah Blog-Stalker Association), I would like to tell you to hold on to hope. Dating, like any other principle of the Gospel, is a simple 3 step process:

1. Pray and tell Heavenly Father what you want, being as specific as possible.
2. Ask what your part in bring this prayer to fruition is. Be willing to bend to His will. After all, He does know what's best for you better than you do :)
3. Act in Patience. Others have said it better than me:

"Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." -D&C 123:17

"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience [requires] actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results [don’t] appear instantly or without effort." - Elder Uchtdorf


The desired outcome may not happen immediately, in fact, it probably won't. But, if you continue to act in faith for however long it takes, there will be wins along the way!
Oh, and Joplin is feeling much better this morning :)

Death and Rebirth...

In the world of dating, you have Carrots and Doors:

Carrots are fun.They dangle in the back of your mind and you can think about them occasionally, while entertaining the idea of going to play with it at some future date. Then every once in a while, you stretch your little bunny legs and take a shot at getting it down from it's perch. The Carrot is carefree, without commitment and is generally good dating exercise.

Doors are a little more complicated. Doors are to be walked through, they take commitment and dedication, and can only exist when the desire for one is mutual, and intentions are pure. You spend ample time pondering about what lies beyond the door, and weighing your options to see if it's what you really want. And much like Let's Make a Deal, it's a gamble. Door #1 may not contain the shiny new car you were hoping for, leaving you filled with disappointment, and a continued quest for another Door.

Now, while Doors tend to be scarier than Carrots, they're essentially what we're all looking for. Within each of us is a desire to walk through a good Door, and never have to search for another one ever again.

Yesterday I closed a very old Door. The feelings are mature, they've been tried, and tested and they run extremely deep, but have never been expressed by either party. For a long time I've wondered if it even was a  Door....it felt like more than a Carrot, and when we were together it felt like more of a Door than I've ever known.... Just recently we were honest with each other. We had both, most certainly, been keeping this door alive - for years - but walking through that door required more than either of us could give, not because we were selfish....in fact it was the opposite. Because we loved each other, we knew that this place we had reached had to be the end. To go further than this would mean the deterioration of everything we had built. So now, here we stood, before this door that had always been envisioned but had never actually manifested, and just moments after it came into being, we chose to let it go...

To be honest, I hurt.

For majority of my adult life, this Door has been in my heart as a place of safety and refuge; a sanctuary I could visit in moments of distress. It was a place of hope that embodied the happiest moments of my life. Something I'd kept sacred and told no one about...and now I feel it slowly fading away as each memory comes back individually to say good-bye. It hurts...differently than it's ever hurt before. It's a mourning for a future that, for 7 years, had been carefully woven together with hope and love, but can never exist. 

Fortunately the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, timed the passing of this Door in the middle of a Carrot...a good, light-hearted, fun, extremely casual, catered-to-my-current-needs...Carrot. 

It just reminds me that, in all things, death always brings new life.

Drug of Choice

Lately I've been feeling a little unbalanced, and today I figured out what's been missing.

Two Summers ago I read this book:

It's based on the theory that we're all children of an Infinitely Creative Being, and therefore, we are all inherently creative. However, throughout life, and for differing reasons, we all lose confidence in our creative capabilities. Therefore, we become blocked and believe that "Artists" are people with extraordinary capabilities, and the rest of the masses, us, were simply born without those gifts. This book calls your blocked-artist's bluff and walks you through a 12 week program back to your Inner Artist.

It's phenomenal. If you haven't read it, go buy it right now. 

There's a whole section about the defense tactics we use to keep ourselves blocked. These blocks can range anywhere from substance abuse, to creating drama in your life or surrounding yourself with unhealthy people. My drug of choice? Work. If you know me at all, you're probably laughing. Whether it's my job, church calling, or just plain friendship responsibilities, I will make myself so unbelievably busy that I can't possibly think about what's going on in my life. Now, being an introvert by nature, this poses a very large problem for me. In the past, it's lead to what I like to refer to as shut downs, where my brain and body, literally, just stop. It would happen about once every 3-4 months and I would usually just lock myself in my house for 2-3 days and watch movies until I'd regrouped. After reading this book, I realized that I need time to take care of myself so that I can take care of others, and I can prevent these shut downs if I just take that time. 

Well, I started "cutting away the fat," if you will, and making sure to take consistent Sarah-time. However, with all this new found RSP stuff going on, my Sarah-time has been replaced with other important things. And today, I realized that I haven't painted in months. So, I'm taking an oil painting class. I've only done some self-taught watercolors, but oils are really what I've always wanted to do, and I'd like to really learn them, so I decided on some classes. In celebration, I have some goodies for you :)

This is my very first painting, it took me the duration of the 12 week program.
It's my interpretation of me.

This is a Mormon Message that was created from my favorite Elder Uchtdorf talk ever on Creating. The link will take you to the full length talk. I highly recommend it :)

Can I just say...

That I freaking want these shoes?

I don't know what makes Jimmy Choo think he can just charge $1500 for a pair of shoes, but he's got me tempted to sell all my earthly possessions for them.

What is the Deal!?

WARNING: It's about to get real...and maybe a little sassy. Consider this a satire ;)

So after my "Can I Get a Translator?" post I was talking to one of my buddies from the mission about it and he told me that it made him feel like a total bum. After an apology and further interrogation, I discovered that he had pulled many a stunt similar to those of Bachelors 1-3. I listened intently, put myself in his shoes, and was taken on a grand tour of the male psyche. There were a couple well made points, and when all was said and done I concluded with: "I retract my previous apology. You deserve to feel like a bum."

What is it with boys? What exactly are you looking/waiting for? Because after discussing The Great Dating Famine of 2011 with some of my girl friends, I'm discovering that we good LDS women are continuously being placed into one of two categories by the male half of the species:

Homies and NCMO's

Let's explore shall we?

Homies: This is my personal favorite, because for the last 25 years of my life I have been locked into this category. Seriously, my guy friend quota is filled. Off the top of my head I can come up with 8 guys I could just call to kick it right now. That's enough to fill every night of the week, and if you gave me 5 more minutes, I'm sure I could fill 2. Now, is this really productive to the overall goal of Eternal Companionship? The answer is no. I know it, you know it, and my guy friends know it. So here's the deal, if you're trying to date me and it appears that I've been flirting with you (i.e. lots of texting, multiple invites to things, baked goods, touching of the elbow, witty banter...), it's cause I want you to ask me on a date. Which, in case you didn't know, is code for "Eventually, I would like to make out with you". This isn't an episode of "Paris Hilton's my new BFF." I want to date you.

NCMO's: Honestly, I feel like this may be worse than the Homie category. I have no experience on this topic, as I am morally opposed to them. However, I have friends who do, and if being in an ambiguous friendship/relationship isn't already confusing enough to the emotion-driven female mind, throwing physical intimacy into the mix just creates a hyper-sensitive estrogen cocktail of death...

So can anyone explain to me why it's gotta be this way? Why aren't dates happening? Because myself and plenty other great women I know continuously hear from guys that we're going to be amazing wives and mothers, or we're absolutely beautiful, fun and awesome, but these compliments are never followed up by an invitation for a date. So dear stalkers (especially those of you men who are reading, but pretending you aren't...), will someone tell me what it is we lack? Why exactly are there are so many good women who just aren't good enough?

Seriously....start talking :)

Souls Knit as One..

I love people. I love everything about them: good, bad, crazy, spiritual, indifferent....I love it all because I find a piece of myself within each element of each individual. There is nothing more difficult, or more rewarding than seeing a human being as the Savior sees them, no matter how long you've known them. The time and energy and most importantly, the love that that takes to see it is immense, but the end result is what the Lord described in 1 Samuel 18:1 where Jonathan's soul is" knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

I love that "...and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

Whenever I read that scripture, distinct images of friends that I have that love for come to my mind. Tonight I had a chance to spend some time with one of those friends... Our friendship is one of beautiful orchestration, not in the utopian sense of the word, but in the truest sense: where the situations that brought us together were of Divine origin, and though heart-wrenching, testified of a Father's love for His children, evidence that safety nets are placed along our way; for those moments when we simply can't walk the straight and narrow anymore, when we're too bruised and worn down, and when our souls are so tired that we can't possibly carry ourselves anymore....our Heavenly Father, in all His infinite wisdom, has placed someone there to catch us. And it's in these moments, the moments where we are either catching, or being caught, that hearts and souls are eternally bound together. These are moments when we become the Savior's hands, reaching out to our fallen brothers and sisters, following His will.

This may not make much sense, but what I'm trying to say, is that I am grateful for not only the Lord's trust, but the trust of friends, who before this world even began, believed in my ability to catch them when they fall. I'm grateful that I get to be an answer to a prayer, and in the process, learn to love a soul as I love my own.

Can I get a translator?

Now, let's get one thing straight. I, Sarah Murray, have always been one of the guys. I relate with them better. Maybe it's cause I like sports. Maybe it's cause I've always been good at climbing trees, or cause I don't like a lot of make-up and prefer jeans and Converse. Who really knows? The point is, I spend a lot of my time with boys, which means I'm pretty good at understanding what's going on in their heads. Or at least I thought I was.

In the last few months, I've been quite proud of my dating efforts, and have actually been on a few really good dates.  However, because of my complete inexperience, I don't actually know what to do after a good first date. I'm not even used to having them....I'm used to being set up and wondering the whole time why anybody would think the two of us had anything in common. However, recently, 3 of my firsts have stuck out as pretty good ones....but they've gotten....weird.

Welcome to The Dating Game...

Bachelor #1: I liked him from the start. Super tall, and funny, with the sweetest, most comfortable personality I've ever encountered. He was sensitive, but not in the super-girly weird way. Just...aware. We had great date, with excellent conversation. Post-date he became super hit and miss. He was either ridiculously alert and attentive, or completely ignoring me. To the point of not even making eye-contact. It was weird, and contact continues to be flakey...at best. 

Bachelor #2: We didn't really know each other, but he came highly recommended by some pretty trustworthy people. He was all the right kinds of sarcasm, made me laugh, and definitely not too hard on the eyes. When later asked by friends how the date went, I described it as a four star date (the highest rating in Sarah book of dating). He was attentive, tons of fun, and did all the date-like things. Our interactions continue to be limited, but flirtatious, and when we exist in the same space he generally makes the first move. However, despite having my number, he's never used it.

Bachelor #3: Set up by a mutual friend upon my request, this was possibly the most fun I have had on a date in a long time. He was absolutely hilarious, and from what I gathered, we jived pretty well. I even flirted, like real flirting. If you would've seen it, you would've known I was interested. Impressive right? I thought so. Afterward, I facebook stalked him like I've never done before. I legitimately liked this kid. Again, post-date contact has been limited to sparse texting, and no further dates have even been alluded to.

So in this here dating game, I'm just wondering: Does anyone speak boy? Anyone? Cause I thought I did, but apparently when my emotions are involved, the world stops making sense. And when nothing makes sense I automatically try to make it make sense. So, faithful readers, would you like to know what I've figured out? Two things.

1. In all 3 cases, I just don't know, and there's nothing I can do to know.
2. I'm sick of chasing boys.

Now normally when I like a boy, I will insert myself into his life, and try everything I can to spend time with him, which as you can see, hasn't been especially effective. I'm now 25, and in being so, have grown tired of running around the playground trying to kiss boys. So, here's the conclusion:

I'm kind of a catch. I feel like I got a lot of things going for me, and for that reason, I need to start making boys work for it. I ain't just handing this out like Jolly Ranchers at the Macy's Day Parade. If I'm going to do my part to put out all the right signs, and encourage said male, he's going to have to do his part to make something happen. My friend told me once that if a girl doesn't make him work at least a little bit, he never really appreciates what he has.

So here's to the ever so daunting task of finding a Mormon boy who's willing to man-up.

Deep Waters

I was thinking today about the Joseph Smith movie they show on Temple Square, and in it there's a scene where Emma is cleaning Joseph up after he's been tarred and feathered. She asks him how he can continually endure, not only their personal trials, but also the responsibility of leading a people who are under constant attack. He responds with "Some of us were just meant to swim in deep waters."

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. The last few weeks have been some of the busiest of my life and it seems as if all the independent elements of my life (work, church, personal) have all increased in responsibility. At first I was really excited about all the change, and I like responsibility so it was kinda fun. Then I started to realize how much I was actually being asked to do, and felt the burdens settling in. Now, when I start to feel overwhelmed, I feel like all my resources are being diminished and I enter hibernation mode. Literally. I stock up on chocolate and sleep as much as possible while I ride out the storm.

I thought the hedgehogs were appropriate... :)

However, this time I've realized that this survival tactic turns me inward, when in reality, I need to be turning upward, towards the Lord.


I've often marveled at the early Saints and their ability to continually carry on despite perpetually swimming in treacherously deep waters. What I've noticed is that their complete faith in the Atonement of the Savior, and God's perspective of them is what carried them through some of the most terrible conditions imaginable. When we're asked to do tasks that seem impossibly difficult, or time consuming, it is because not only does the Lord know that we are prepared for it, but also that it is time for us to grow. We've been far too complacent for far too long, and it's time to put on our big girl panties and step into the real world. These moments that seem so overwhelming are Heavenly Father's way of saying "Sarah, you think you know how important you are to my work, and that you understand the gifts that you've been working on so hard....but now look at what you can actually do." It reminds me of a CS Lewis quote my friend sent me on the mission:


"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."


What a tragedy that I have wasted these opportunities sitting in my room, simply because I am afraid of becoming burnt out. The Lord is accomplishing a great work with each of us individually, and though it hurts, each of those moments bring us closer to being with Him.

Check!

My good friend and co-worker Tess has recently become my dating consultant. Back in the day, before she was married, she was what I like to refer to as the "pied piper of men." She had skill. So she's got some good advice. One of the most important ones I've collected from her is this:

Throw out the checklist.

The longer we're out in the dating world, the longer our list becomes. We start to realize "I could never date a guy who's passive," "I need someone with direction," "I want him to be outgoing," blah, blah, blah. Let's remember here kids....we're the single ones, which means we don't actually know what we want in a husband. I'm sure if we talked to all our married friends, most of them didn't get "everything they wanted" but they still love their spouses.

Of course we want to keep the most important things, but everything else prevents us from finding the hidden gems of the world. I'm done hearing my friends say "he's just so quiet" or "he watches Family Guy" or "I've never seen him bear his testimony" before anyone's even gone on a date. Well...ya know what? I'm shy in huge groups of people, I can be painfully blunt, and 90% of the time I'm thinking sexual innuendos during a perfectly innocent conversation...but I'm still kinda awesome right? I mean...you are reading my blog.

So Tess has recommended that I throw out my checklist of ridiculousity (real word) until (insert boy) and I are discussing marriage. Which is exactly what I intend to do, because the way I see it...dating isn't marriage. It's dating. Which is supposed to be fun, so why would I complicate it with a checklist? Especially when I've never even had a real conversation with the guy.

I got lists at work. That's good enough.