Don't be a lumper.

Lately the phrases "when you least expect it" and "when you're not looking for it" have been kicking around in my little Sarah brain where they've been met with sarcasm and reality checks. Which we all know leads to a blog...

First, I asked myself: "when was the last time I expected marriage?" I'm rounding the corner to 27 (which is not old b.t.w...), and I've been un-relationshipped for a little over 3 years now. I think at this point in my life I look cute and flirt with boys just for fun. Not that I'm never interested, but - in the least bitter, cynical way possible - I'm not sure I'm ever really expecting anything when I do it anymore. 

And second: are any of my single friends out there not looking for marriage? Didn't think so. That would be contradictory to both our hormones and the prophet.

These conclusions only lead me to the question: what point are these people trying to make?

I think it has something to do with purpose. The life of singlehood is like walking a tight-rope of time management. You can't just sit around waiting for prince charming to come sweep you off your feet - at some point you need to get off your little bum and make progression in your life. Purpose, direction and service are what make you feel whole. Lumping around in your house waiting for love to knock on your door is going to make you just as sad as it sounds. On the other hand, you can't be filling your life so full that there isn't time or space for someone in it. Those phrases we hear all the time are just small reminders for us to do something with ourselves and enjoy the journey. Being single in your mid-20's and early 30's is a great opportunity to learn about yourself and serve others. And it is in that process that we find happiness, whether marriage comes along or not. 

Souls Knit as One..

I love people. I love everything about them: good, bad, crazy, spiritual, indifferent....I love it all because I find a piece of myself within each element of each individual. There is nothing more difficult, or more rewarding than seeing a human being as the Savior sees them, no matter how long you've known them. The time and energy and most importantly, the love that that takes to see it is immense, but the end result is what the Lord described in 1 Samuel 18:1 where Jonathan's soul is" knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

I love that "...and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

Whenever I read that scripture, distinct images of friends that I have that love for come to my mind. Tonight I had a chance to spend some time with one of those friends... Our friendship is one of beautiful orchestration, not in the utopian sense of the word, but in the truest sense: where the situations that brought us together were of Divine origin, and though heart-wrenching, testified of a Father's love for His children, evidence that safety nets are placed along our way; for those moments when we simply can't walk the straight and narrow anymore, when we're too bruised and worn down, and when our souls are so tired that we can't possibly carry ourselves anymore....our Heavenly Father, in all His infinite wisdom, has placed someone there to catch us. And it's in these moments, the moments where we are either catching, or being caught, that hearts and souls are eternally bound together. These are moments when we become the Savior's hands, reaching out to our fallen brothers and sisters, following His will.

This may not make much sense, but what I'm trying to say, is that I am grateful for not only the Lord's trust, but the trust of friends, who before this world even began, believed in my ability to catch them when they fall. I'm grateful that I get to be an answer to a prayer, and in the process, learn to love a soul as I love my own.

Best Ever

Yesterday one of my friends noticed my mood was a little more solemn than usual and due to the environment I thought it best to just throw him a lame excuse about being busy at work. Later on though, I texted him to thank him for noticing and inquiring. To which he responded by asking if there was anything he could do, to let him know. Then, almost randomly, he told me how good of a mother and wife I would be, and how amazing he really thought I was.

I, of course, cried my eyes out...and am still misting a little bit remembering it. For some reason that was exactly what I needed to hear. I've realized that of all the things in life, the only thing I've ever really wanted is to be a loving companion and mother. I feel like the biggest influence I could ever have on the world would be to raise a righteous generation of caring, loving, understanding individuals who love the Lord and doing His work more than anything else. I can judge where I'm at myself, but it's always good to hear from a man (especially one that I respect highly) that I'm headed in the right direction.

Best compliment ever.

It's true. It. Is. True.

In my recent move I acquired a new roommate by the name of Kristine. I met her through a mutual friend, and we were instantaneous friends. She's cool, normal, and generally considered one of the guys....sounds just like me! :)

A brief background of Kristine: she's 23, recently divorced, and hasn't been active in the church since she was about 15. Due to a series of events she decided a couple months ago to try to get back to church...with no real testimony or idea of why. Basically, I was taking a huge chance on being roommates with her, but I felt very impressed that it was something that I needed to do. So I took the leap, and made the move.

Yesterday, church was phenomenal. I haven't felt the Spirit, or received revelation like that in a while. My emotions were very close to the surface and the Spirit was booming the whole time. And it wasn't just me who thought so. After Relief Society quite a few people expressed the same feelings. So when we got home and Kristine said "I'm starting to feel like this whole thing is a lie." I was slightly taken aback. 

I spent the next hour with her in our kitchen discussing the experiences she'd had thus far, what she remembered the Spirit feeling like, how she can feel it again, and comparing my conversion process to what she was currently going through. At the end I actually felt pretty defeated about the whole thing... like I hadn't gotten through at all, and that maybe the doubt was already too deep. So I finished up by just saying "Kristine, I know that you may not know if it's true, but I do. Regardless of how you feel now, you'll know, because this is the Lord's gospel, and He will tell you." She just got really silent and we went off our separate ways.

This morning while I was at work I got a text message from her that said "It's true. It. Is. True." Immediately I felt the familiar joy of the Spirit starting to flood my soul. I texted her back and said "Please tell me we're talking about the Gospel." And of course she was. All day today I've felt like I felt on the mission. There is no better feeling than the one you feel when someone learns for themselves that they are a child of an Eternal Father who loves them perfectly, no matter their mistakes. To know that we're not alone in this life, and we never ever have to make a decision on our own ever again, that there is eternal life after this, a life that we can have with our families...is the most beautiful gift that has ever been given. 

I can't wait to get home so that I can hug her... I've been on the verge of happy tears all day long. I'm so grateful for the Atonement, and what it's done for me. The Savior's love has literally transformed me, and now I have the chance to share it with others. What greater gift is there?