One Less Lonely Girl...

I got into a pretty heated discussion about dating and "the Lord's timing" a couple weeks ago. It was the usual: Girls complaining about not being asked on dates, Guys complaining about girls complaining, and everyone coming to the same resolutions "Well, there really aren't any answers," and "It'll all happen in the Lord's time."

First of all, let's talk about there not being any answers. Really!? Marriage is a commandment, the highest ordinance one can receive in this life. Eternal families are the whole reason we're here. Plus, with how often we get the marriage talk, do you really think that the Lord is going to leave us with zero answers?  Go ahead...think about it...

Didn't think so.

So for those of you sitting around wondering "Why am I still single?" let me give you my 2 cents: I believe that we all need to form our own "Dating Identity."

Story time!
Once upon a time I had a roommate who consistently had at least 5 different suitors at a time. I, on the other hand, had none. So in order the gain the attention of the male population, I would observe the behaviors of said fair maiden and try to mimic her actions. When I did this, not only did I feel like I was living a lie, but my efforts were completely unsuccessful, because we were 2 entirely different people. However, there were still 2 undeniable facts:

1. I had no dates
2. She had lots

But when I was trying to be like her, my efforts were failing miserably. Why? Well, because I wasn't her. She had the gift to be sincerely interested in everything about everyone. Plus, she had the hair flipping, arm touching and cute laughing all perfectly timed to the millisecond. I didn't have any of that, in fact, my strengths are completely different....not to mention I'm not really good at timing the hair flip/lip lick/cute giggle thing.....

So how was I supposed to get a boy's attention!?

Always distracted by food....

Well, I realized that she didn't actually have anything special, she just knew how be her "shiniest" self. Which meant all I really needed to do was harness the most comfortable, confident, out-going Sarah that existed. So I took a self assessment, and found my shiny alter-ego: witty, sassy, side-smile, squeeze-his-bicep Sarah.

The end.

Good story huh? :)

Basically, when we say we have no answers, it's because we think we need to be or say or do something that feels very unlike us. But in all reality, you need to be, say and do things that are 100% you. So figure out who your flirting alter-ego is and run with it. And in case you care, here's my 3-part formula for flirting comfortability:

1. Recognize your own talents and gifts - These are tools the Lord has given you, as you grow and develop them, your confidence around people grows because you feel like you have something to offer.
2.Do whatever it is you need to do to feel attractive - not be attractive, that's subjective. If you feel attractive, you're going to look attractive, and vice versa.
3. Forward momentum - You have to make some kind of movement. Fate doesn't exist, and God doesn't bless the lazy or the stupid. Get out of your comfort zone and make the magic happen.

Which brings me to "it's all in the Lord's timing," need I refer you all to President Uchtdorf's talk on Patience yet again?

"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don’t appear instantly or without effort. There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears... It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed."

Thank you Dieter, I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, if we apply this to dating, I ask you:

Are you doing all you can to pursue marriage? If not, stop complaining and ask the Lord what else you can do. If you are, you shouldn't be complaining anyway.

To the Boys

And boys you shall remain until you can follow these simple rules of engagement (no pun intended).

This weekend I went on a double date. And while it was completely out of the blue and extremely thrown together last minute, it was the best date of my life. Why you ask?

                                           

Midnight Capture the Flag with Nerf Guns

How could that be more awesome!? That's right, it can't.

And this superbly fantastic date got me thinking about some things. So here we go. Boys, pay close attention.

Dating do: Spontaneity. Last minute is cute, endearing, fun and really exciting. Especially for someone like me who has their life completely mapped out to the minute. I welcome distractions.

However, let me tell you about the experience I had the following day:

 Boy is texting me and asks what I'm doing that night. I tell him I'm going to the Bee's game and he says "You should ditch it and come on a date with me." I figure I could be persuaded, so I ask him what we're gonna do and he responds with "Eat food. Whatever you like doing."

What!? No.

Dating don't: Do not play the "ball is in your court" game. When it comes to planning dates, keep the ball. The ball is yours, do not pass it! Remember that you're wooing us. Your job is to make me feel special. My job is to laugh a lot, look/smell really good, continuously touch your elbow/knee/hand, lick my lips and look at you longingly until you want to kiss me. See, the dating game is more like football than tennis. Let's break it down to make sure we all understand:

We start off with our passing game:
You see girl and smile: the ball has been passed
She smiles: She's passed it back!
You approach girl and begin talking:
*Ball is passed back and forth as conversation ensues....*
You ask for her number: Passed the ball
She gives you her number: She passes it back


You now have the ball. Don't give it up. We've moved to the running game: no lateral passes, no fumbling. You are the running back. You cling to that ball like it is your child and you run with it until you cannot run anymore. Now that you've planned the date and she's accepted, we're back to the passing game:

You pick her up: Ball passed
She flirts and is a quality date the entire time....
*important, she still has the ball*
At some point, either vocally or via text, she thanks you and openly encourages a second date: Ball passed back to you.

You now have the ball and we're back to the running game. Now, if you choose, run with it until you can't run anymore.

Women want to feel special. We want to feel like you thought about us. You'll notice that both instances were last minute, in fact, Date #1 had much less time to plan than Date #2 did, but the difference is that he made a decision, and there is something absolutely sexy about a man who makes decisions. It shows confidence. Had Date #2 responded with something like "Don't worry about it, I'll make it worth it. How about 7:00?" I would've laughed, shaken my head and said "Ok :)" (See how I did that with the texting smiley? That's a good sign.)

So what have we learned here? 

1. Girls want to feel special
2. Girls expect boys to make decisions
3. Until boys start making decisions, they will remain boys.

Please direct any hatemail to sarah@boysshouldmakemoredecisions.com and have a great day! :)

I Like Boys.

The other day I had two interesting experiences. Both with close guy friends.

Experience 1:

Me: "In 25 years I have been asked out, actually asked on a date, twice. How does that not make me feel unattractive?"
Friend 1: *Stares in space trying to think of the right thing to say*
I could see his gears working real hard so I just waited patiently. After an extended silence...
Friend 1: Yeah, this is where guys and girls are different.....*shrugs* just don't feel that way.
Me: Yeah......that doesn't work.

Experience 2: Discussing a past relationship

Friend 2: She's the one who distanced herself from me, and that was hard, but now that I'm over her she's being all weird and interested in my life again...
Me: Well, girls have to go through a process. After a breakup they have to distance themselves because we're naturally optimistic creatures and if any semblance of hope remains, she'll just always hold onto it. So we have to vilify you in our minds so that the optimism dies. But once that process is complete she needs to come back to make sure it's really dead. Now that's the tricky part because inevitably feelings come back, and, especially if she's lonely, she may try to talk herself back into it, but ultimately what she wants is closure, it's just going to take her a minute to talk herself into actually letting the door close.
Friend 2: *laughing* What!? .....Girls are weird.

And never has a truer statement been made. We are so weird!!! We're so weird we don't even understand us. It's like freaking Wheel of Fortune in our heads all day long. But instead of varying amounts of money, they're emotions. And the wheel is spun by hormones. Sometimes you get 3 R's at 1,000 bucks a piece, and life is good. And sometimes you hit Bankrupt.

Sometimes I wonder why God made us like this. Especially when men are such simple creatures. With such a distinct difference how have people been getting married all these years!? How do boys even like us with all our complications? Personally, I see nothing attractive about women. We're small and we're always freezing. We shed all over the place, and as I've mentioned, we're pretty needy and emotionally complicated. Who wants that?

Men on the other hand, they got all sorts of good stuff going for them. They're all sorts of warm and comfy. There's nothing better than being the little spoon...am I right? When you're with them you feel all safe and cozy, plus because of their lack of emotion, you get to just throw yours out and they make it all better by just holding you. And regardless of the fact that they can be kinda smelly sometimes, the stuff that they use to cover it up is amazing!!! It just makes you wanna snuggle more.

However, when I talk to my guy friends, they feel the exact opposite. They think of all these really great things about girls...things I can't even remember. So I guess the reason the Lord made us like this is because we're complimentary. And eternally I feel like our purpose is to balance each other out.

The best example I have of this is me and one of my friends. We are very different individuals. To put it in the simplest terms: you know the saying "All or nothing?" She is all, and I am nothing. While she's off overdoing things, I'm over here underdoing it. However, we've realized we both need to be somewhere in the middle, and have started learning from each other.

That's how I feel men and women should be. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses, neither is better than the other, but we can both learn something from one another. Which is why I like boys so much, because they balance me. I feel less emotional when I'm around them, like the wheel in my head isn't spinning so much, and I can just be calm, for just a minute.

Adventures in Craigslist

So one of our roommates recently moved out, and we've been attempting to find a new one. Unfortunately, the easiest way to do this is through KSL and Craigslist....which can be scary. Here's the latest!

The first email I receive looks like this:


Hi,
Is your room for rent?, Am single female 25 of age, i have a B. S. in computer information systems and technology , i love pets, am looking for clean and nice place that i can stay for some month and if place will be available for year i will be also be ok with that. I will love to hear from you.. if you still have it for rent. Thanks
 
Gurl Japanese

Ok, so she's foreign, from the context clues, probably Japanese. I can handle that. So I reply with:

Hi!

The room is still available, and you're more than welcome to set up a time to come look at it if you'd like. You can either email me back, or just call me at..... Thanks!

Sarah

Pretty basic, and straight forward right? I got this beauty in response. I would add commentary, but I feel it speaks for itself:

Hi
Thanks so much for getting back to me, I am the neat type, I really appreciate your word, i cloud have love to see the place before making any plan but I really have a lot of things to do as am busy getting same thing down, I like responsible,trustworthy person, But i will be fine if you can tell me about the place and you. A quick biography of myself, I was born and bread in South Dakota, I am a 6 flit, 25 yrs old e. I have a B. S. in computer information systems and technology from Purdue University and. Want to further, so i can have my master in computer information degree's, I am a very responsible and understanding person who like to keep things neat, or as orderly as possible out of habit. I love animals,I don't keep late nights neither i will have overnight guest around, but I am fine if you do, now am in Oklahoma, i believe that having my master Degrees in computer information will be a great thing for my Daddy even when my late mothers  still alive always told me that i most to my master after i finish my university,...My Ambition and Work: I was looking to settee down after my Master because I understand that I'll be doing good when i have my master then i can start a good life as I've being told by my Daddy friend who is a business man in Hong Kong. Paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends, so you shouldn't be bothered about the payment. I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so I want you to tell me all about the area, as am busy to come over,but the pictures. I also want you to know that I have a car that will be coming over with, and little of my furniture, please let me know if there will be space for that. With all that I've said above, I have told you more about me and my picture of mine will be attach in the next email, Let me how I can go about securing the place down before my arrival as I will be busy from now preparing to see my daddy in South Dakota and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as I am going to secure the place with a deposit.Feel free to ask me any question and as I've said,I am looking to move in by the availability of the place, but want to secured it now
Thanks..

Born and bread in South Dakota....riiiight. 

Oops

The texting conversation of my morning:

Aubree: Whatchya doing for lunch?

Me: Nothing. Wanna go out?

My Boss: Are texting personal messages at work?

That's correct. My phone thought it would be funny to ask my boss out this morning. Thank you phone.

Pansy

Yup. That's me.

Our story begins with Sarah, the good friend, playing matchmaker: 

In an attempt to set up my two good friends, Brian and Jamee, I planned a Christmas Cookie making double date at my house. Pretty nice of me right? I thought so. However, the other half of the double (me) was dateless. Now this may look like a dilemma, but it was, in fact, completely intentional. I've decided that if boys are going to be dumb, and not ask me on dates, then I was going to take my dating life into my own hands. 

So I picked a boy that I was actually interested in, and decided to call him. It went a bit like this:

Boy: Hello?

Sarah: Hey [boy] it's Sarah, What's up!?

Boy: Oh hey! Just marinating some steaks.

    [Witty banter about steaks, marinating and the like]

Sarah: Well I was just calling to see what you were doing Friday night?

Boy: Friday? Ummm...... Oh yeah! We're having a movie night at my friend's house. But it's pretty flexible. Why what's up?

[Close up of Sarah's panic-stricken face. Music fades to silence and all we can hear is a solitary heart beat growing steadily louder and faster]

Sarah: Oh. Well.....We're having a cookie-making party....... just a couple people over to decorate Christmas cookies.

Boy: A Cookie making party? That sounds excellent! What does that entail?

[Sarah closes her eyes shut and fakes bashing her head off the counter followed by a calm explanation of a cookie making party.]

I'll spare you all the pain and embarrassment of the 3 minutes that followed, and suffice it to say I'll never make fun of boys for being scared to ask girls out again. Fortunately the Lord knew I was a really big baby and gave me a second chance. Jamee realized that she had promised her brother she'd go to a concert Friday night, so she needed to move it to Saturday. Time for redemption. This time I used the less frightening texting option (I know... still lame, but I gotta work with baby steps here). It looked a bit like this:

So there's kind of this long story involving me trying to set two people up with a cookie party, then things going awry and it somehow becomes a double date on a different day but I'm dateless, and confused... so I'll spare you the gory details and ask if you're by chance available for a cookie making date tomorrow night? :D

Yeah, it was still a pansy asking out, but.... I did it. And I went on the date, and it was fun.

Let the Stabbing Begin

Ok, it's been way to long to update you on everything that's happened since August, so I'll give you the abbreviated list:

1. Went to my greenie's wedding in Seattle, her brother became enamored with me, it boosted my self-esteem, I haven't heard from him since.

2. My dad came with me to the ward camp-out at Lava Hot Springs. AWESOME. He played kickball with us, and we were spotlighted at Ward Prayer. My life has never been so amazing. I'll probably blog about my dad soon :)

3. Visited my mission. The goodness of this cannot be described, also will soon have a post about this.

4. Lots of changes at work: New billing person, new receptionist, new programs to implement, big promotional event coming up all equals really busy.

5. I'm moving. Right down the street from my current location, but still obnoxious, and leading to more busyness :)

So. There you have it, the update. But, what I really wanted to talk about is acupuncture. I haven't been sleeping lately, and no matter what I do I can't fall asleep, or if I do, I can't stay asleep, and I don't wake up feeling, by any means, refreshed. With all that going on, and a chaotic schedule, what's a girl to do? Acupuncture. 

So I found an acupuncturist, a cute little old Asian man who tells me things I already know like "you think too much," "stop trying to control everything," and "you work too much." Thanks Dr. Zou, I know :)

The good news is. It's working! I'm sleeping like a little baby and waking up feeling super rested. And, as a side effect, I'm not freaking out about stuff, I'm way calmer, and much happier. So in that case, Bring on the stabbing!