Can I just say...

That I freaking want these shoes?

I don't know what makes Jimmy Choo think he can just charge $1500 for a pair of shoes, but he's got me tempted to sell all my earthly possessions for them.

What is the Deal!?

WARNING: It's about to get real...and maybe a little sassy. Consider this a satire ;)

So after my "Can I Get a Translator?" post I was talking to one of my buddies from the mission about it and he told me that it made him feel like a total bum. After an apology and further interrogation, I discovered that he had pulled many a stunt similar to those of Bachelors 1-3. I listened intently, put myself in his shoes, and was taken on a grand tour of the male psyche. There were a couple well made points, and when all was said and done I concluded with: "I retract my previous apology. You deserve to feel like a bum."

What is it with boys? What exactly are you looking/waiting for? Because after discussing The Great Dating Famine of 2011 with some of my girl friends, I'm discovering that we good LDS women are continuously being placed into one of two categories by the male half of the species:

Homies and NCMO's

Let's explore shall we?

Homies: This is my personal favorite, because for the last 25 years of my life I have been locked into this category. Seriously, my guy friend quota is filled. Off the top of my head I can come up with 8 guys I could just call to kick it right now. That's enough to fill every night of the week, and if you gave me 5 more minutes, I'm sure I could fill 2. Now, is this really productive to the overall goal of Eternal Companionship? The answer is no. I know it, you know it, and my guy friends know it. So here's the deal, if you're trying to date me and it appears that I've been flirting with you (i.e. lots of texting, multiple invites to things, baked goods, touching of the elbow, witty banter...), it's cause I want you to ask me on a date. Which, in case you didn't know, is code for "Eventually, I would like to make out with you". This isn't an episode of "Paris Hilton's my new BFF." I want to date you.

NCMO's: Honestly, I feel like this may be worse than the Homie category. I have no experience on this topic, as I am morally opposed to them. However, I have friends who do, and if being in an ambiguous friendship/relationship isn't already confusing enough to the emotion-driven female mind, throwing physical intimacy into the mix just creates a hyper-sensitive estrogen cocktail of death...

So can anyone explain to me why it's gotta be this way? Why aren't dates happening? Because myself and plenty other great women I know continuously hear from guys that we're going to be amazing wives and mothers, or we're absolutely beautiful, fun and awesome, but these compliments are never followed up by an invitation for a date. So dear stalkers (especially those of you men who are reading, but pretending you aren't...), will someone tell me what it is we lack? Why exactly are there are so many good women who just aren't good enough?

Seriously....start talking :)

Souls Knit as One..

I love people. I love everything about them: good, bad, crazy, spiritual, indifferent....I love it all because I find a piece of myself within each element of each individual. There is nothing more difficult, or more rewarding than seeing a human being as the Savior sees them, no matter how long you've known them. The time and energy and most importantly, the love that that takes to see it is immense, but the end result is what the Lord described in 1 Samuel 18:1 where Jonathan's soul is" knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

I love that "...and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

Whenever I read that scripture, distinct images of friends that I have that love for come to my mind. Tonight I had a chance to spend some time with one of those friends... Our friendship is one of beautiful orchestration, not in the utopian sense of the word, but in the truest sense: where the situations that brought us together were of Divine origin, and though heart-wrenching, testified of a Father's love for His children, evidence that safety nets are placed along our way; for those moments when we simply can't walk the straight and narrow anymore, when we're too bruised and worn down, and when our souls are so tired that we can't possibly carry ourselves anymore....our Heavenly Father, in all His infinite wisdom, has placed someone there to catch us. And it's in these moments, the moments where we are either catching, or being caught, that hearts and souls are eternally bound together. These are moments when we become the Savior's hands, reaching out to our fallen brothers and sisters, following His will.

This may not make much sense, but what I'm trying to say, is that I am grateful for not only the Lord's trust, but the trust of friends, who before this world even began, believed in my ability to catch them when they fall. I'm grateful that I get to be an answer to a prayer, and in the process, learn to love a soul as I love my own.

Can I get a translator?

Now, let's get one thing straight. I, Sarah Murray, have always been one of the guys. I relate with them better. Maybe it's cause I like sports. Maybe it's cause I've always been good at climbing trees, or cause I don't like a lot of make-up and prefer jeans and Converse. Who really knows? The point is, I spend a lot of my time with boys, which means I'm pretty good at understanding what's going on in their heads. Or at least I thought I was.

In the last few months, I've been quite proud of my dating efforts, and have actually been on a few really good dates.  However, because of my complete inexperience, I don't actually know what to do after a good first date. I'm not even used to having them....I'm used to being set up and wondering the whole time why anybody would think the two of us had anything in common. However, recently, 3 of my firsts have stuck out as pretty good ones....but they've gotten....weird.

Welcome to The Dating Game...

Bachelor #1: I liked him from the start. Super tall, and funny, with the sweetest, most comfortable personality I've ever encountered. He was sensitive, but not in the super-girly weird way. Just...aware. We had great date, with excellent conversation. Post-date he became super hit and miss. He was either ridiculously alert and attentive, or completely ignoring me. To the point of not even making eye-contact. It was weird, and contact continues to be flakey...at best. 

Bachelor #2: We didn't really know each other, but he came highly recommended by some pretty trustworthy people. He was all the right kinds of sarcasm, made me laugh, and definitely not too hard on the eyes. When later asked by friends how the date went, I described it as a four star date (the highest rating in Sarah book of dating). He was attentive, tons of fun, and did all the date-like things. Our interactions continue to be limited, but flirtatious, and when we exist in the same space he generally makes the first move. However, despite having my number, he's never used it.

Bachelor #3: Set up by a mutual friend upon my request, this was possibly the most fun I have had on a date in a long time. He was absolutely hilarious, and from what I gathered, we jived pretty well. I even flirted, like real flirting. If you would've seen it, you would've known I was interested. Impressive right? I thought so. Afterward, I facebook stalked him like I've never done before. I legitimately liked this kid. Again, post-date contact has been limited to sparse texting, and no further dates have even been alluded to.

So in this here dating game, I'm just wondering: Does anyone speak boy? Anyone? Cause I thought I did, but apparently when my emotions are involved, the world stops making sense. And when nothing makes sense I automatically try to make it make sense. So, faithful readers, would you like to know what I've figured out? Two things.

1. In all 3 cases, I just don't know, and there's nothing I can do to know.
2. I'm sick of chasing boys.

Now normally when I like a boy, I will insert myself into his life, and try everything I can to spend time with him, which as you can see, hasn't been especially effective. I'm now 25, and in being so, have grown tired of running around the playground trying to kiss boys. So, here's the conclusion:

I'm kind of a catch. I feel like I got a lot of things going for me, and for that reason, I need to start making boys work for it. I ain't just handing this out like Jolly Ranchers at the Macy's Day Parade. If I'm going to do my part to put out all the right signs, and encourage said male, he's going to have to do his part to make something happen. My friend told me once that if a girl doesn't make him work at least a little bit, he never really appreciates what he has.

So here's to the ever so daunting task of finding a Mormon boy who's willing to man-up.

Deep Waters

I was thinking today about the Joseph Smith movie they show on Temple Square, and in it there's a scene where Emma is cleaning Joseph up after he's been tarred and feathered. She asks him how he can continually endure, not only their personal trials, but also the responsibility of leading a people who are under constant attack. He responds with "Some of us were just meant to swim in deep waters."

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. The last few weeks have been some of the busiest of my life and it seems as if all the independent elements of my life (work, church, personal) have all increased in responsibility. At first I was really excited about all the change, and I like responsibility so it was kinda fun. Then I started to realize how much I was actually being asked to do, and felt the burdens settling in. Now, when I start to feel overwhelmed, I feel like all my resources are being diminished and I enter hibernation mode. Literally. I stock up on chocolate and sleep as much as possible while I ride out the storm.

I thought the hedgehogs were appropriate... :)

However, this time I've realized that this survival tactic turns me inward, when in reality, I need to be turning upward, towards the Lord.


I've often marveled at the early Saints and their ability to continually carry on despite perpetually swimming in treacherously deep waters. What I've noticed is that their complete faith in the Atonement of the Savior, and God's perspective of them is what carried them through some of the most terrible conditions imaginable. When we're asked to do tasks that seem impossibly difficult, or time consuming, it is because not only does the Lord know that we are prepared for it, but also that it is time for us to grow. We've been far too complacent for far too long, and it's time to put on our big girl panties and step into the real world. These moments that seem so overwhelming are Heavenly Father's way of saying "Sarah, you think you know how important you are to my work, and that you understand the gifts that you've been working on so hard....but now look at what you can actually do." It reminds me of a CS Lewis quote my friend sent me on the mission:


"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."


What a tragedy that I have wasted these opportunities sitting in my room, simply because I am afraid of becoming burnt out. The Lord is accomplishing a great work with each of us individually, and though it hurts, each of those moments bring us closer to being with Him.

Check!

My good friend and co-worker Tess has recently become my dating consultant. Back in the day, before she was married, she was what I like to refer to as the "pied piper of men." She had skill. So she's got some good advice. One of the most important ones I've collected from her is this:

Throw out the checklist.

The longer we're out in the dating world, the longer our list becomes. We start to realize "I could never date a guy who's passive," "I need someone with direction," "I want him to be outgoing," blah, blah, blah. Let's remember here kids....we're the single ones, which means we don't actually know what we want in a husband. I'm sure if we talked to all our married friends, most of them didn't get "everything they wanted" but they still love their spouses.

Of course we want to keep the most important things, but everything else prevents us from finding the hidden gems of the world. I'm done hearing my friends say "he's just so quiet" or "he watches Family Guy" or "I've never seen him bear his testimony" before anyone's even gone on a date. Well...ya know what? I'm shy in huge groups of people, I can be painfully blunt, and 90% of the time I'm thinking sexual innuendos during a perfectly innocent conversation...but I'm still kinda awesome right? I mean...you are reading my blog.

So Tess has recommended that I throw out my checklist of ridiculousity (real word) until (insert boy) and I are discussing marriage. Which is exactly what I intend to do, because the way I see it...dating isn't marriage. It's dating. Which is supposed to be fun, so why would I complicate it with a checklist? Especially when I've never even had a real conversation with the guy.

I got lists at work. That's good enough.

Mawiage is What Bwings us Togevah Today

Ok. I get the point....it's time to get married. We all have our own reasons for why we're still single, and with all this added "pressure" I've noticed a few basic coping mechanisms (note: I'm aware these are extreme. Don't send me hate mail):

1. The Panic-ers - their spouse died in the war in heaven, and they are, therefore, doomed to eternal singlehood

2. The Independents - because of the excessive social pressure they rebel against the "norm" and continue in a leisurely recreational lifestyle.

and....

3. The Bitters - since all men are jerks, and all women are crazy, they've simply given up hope on the opposite gender all together.


I personally like to dabble with a light swim in each of these pools from time to time, but, as with all issues that I don't really have an opinion on, I generally try to remove myself from the situation all together. However, with all of this talk of eternal companions flying around how can I not help but wonder where I stand on the subject of marriage?

As a young single Latter-Day Saint, it's nearly impossible to not feel conflicted when the topic comes up. Do I want to be married? Absolutely! I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, and soon. I love the principle of eternal progression, and the idea of being able to work with the man I love to gain exaltation happens to be my idea of Happily Ever After. But this is the only ordinance of the gospel that deals with the agency of others, meaning I get to continuously throw myself into situations where my heart has the potential to be shattered into a million pieces. Stellar.

On top of that, I was raised to be independent, and to not rely on others for what I could provide for myself, including self-love. If I can't love myself how can I love others, right? Now, I think I got the self-esteem thing down pretty well, but can you, as a single person, honestly admit to me that you love crawling into bed by yourself at night? Yeah, me either. No matter how independent we are, we all need love and companionship, because the Lord made us that way. And that God-given desire for companionship has to constantly defend itself to our egos, who say "I don't need anyone else in my life"; but the truth is, that while my self-worth is not based on the love that I receive from others, I still need it.

I've decided that all of these reasons are why it's considered the "Crowning Ordinance" of the Gospel. Marriage is the institution where the Lord teaches us, not only to love something more than ourselves, but to gain the ability to receive that love from someone else. It requires us to become completely selfless, and is the only ordinance that can give us a glimpse of what it feels like to love others perfectly. But to obtain that divine love, we have to work impossibly hard, and with the word "Eternal" attached to the word "Companion," marriage can seem pretty daunting.

So with all these thoughts, floating around, I've decided that it is, in fact, time for me to get married. Not for me to panic and throw myself at a bunch of men, but time for me to throw away my checklist, ignore those little pangs of fear, and have some freaking fun. So....

Bring it.