Ok. I get the point....it's time to get married. We all have our own reasons for why we're still single, and with all this added "pressure" I've noticed a few basic coping mechanisms (note: I'm aware these are extreme. Don't send me hate mail):
1. The Panic-ers - their spouse died in the war in heaven, and they are, therefore, doomed to eternal singlehood
2. The Independents - because of the excessive social pressure they rebel against the "norm" and continue in a leisurely recreational lifestyle.
and....
3. The Bitters - since all men are jerks, and all women are crazy, they've simply given up hope on the opposite gender all together.
I personally like to dabble with a light swim in each of these pools from time to time, but, as with all issues that I don't really have an opinion on, I generally try to remove myself from the situation all together. However, with all of this talk of eternal companions flying around how can I not help but wonder where I stand on the subject of marriage?
As a young single Latter-Day Saint, it's nearly impossible to not feel conflicted when the topic comes up. Do I want to be married? Absolutely! I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, and soon. I love the principle of eternal progression, and the idea of being able to work with the man I love to gain exaltation happens to be my idea of Happily Ever After. But this is the only ordinance of the gospel that deals with the agency of others, meaning I get to continuously throw myself into situations where my heart has the potential to be shattered into a million pieces. Stellar.
On top of that, I was raised to be independent, and to not rely on others for what I could provide for myself, including self-love. If I can't love myself how can I love others, right? Now, I think I got the self-esteem thing down pretty well, but can you, as a single person, honestly admit to me that you love crawling into bed by yourself at night? Yeah, me either. No matter how independent we are, we all need love and companionship, because the Lord made us that way. And that God-given desire for companionship has to constantly defend itself to our egos, who say "I don't need anyone else in my life"; but the truth is, that while my self-worth is not based on the love that I receive from others, I still need it.
I've decided that all of these reasons are why it's considered the "Crowning Ordinance" of the Gospel. Marriage is the institution where the Lord teaches us, not only to love something more than ourselves, but to gain the ability to receive that love from someone else. It requires us to become completely selfless, and is the only ordinance that can give us a glimpse of what it feels like to love others perfectly. But to obtain that divine love, we have to work impossibly hard, and with the word "Eternal" attached to the word "Companion," marriage can seem pretty daunting.
So with all these thoughts, floating around, I've decided that it is, in fact, time for me to get married. Not for me to panic and throw myself at a bunch of men, but time for me to throw away my checklist, ignore those little pangs of fear, and have some freaking fun. So....
Bring it.
Good luck girl. I'm struggling with this a lot too, getting broken up with right after valentine's day didn't help either. But I'm getting a ton of people telling me to stop whining and get on ldssingles...which I'm slightly morally opposed to. What do you think...I mean you probably don't care since you're in the land of milk and honey ...but if you weren't would you give in?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't give in. I, like you, have some kind of distaste for online dating...why do you think that is?
ReplyDeletePS, the land of milk and honey ain't exactly sweet if ya know what I'm sayin...
I think it's because it would create so much emotional turmoil to have to first of all form a "relationship" (if that's possible) through the medium of the internet, and then, after trying to judge if someone is who they really claim to be, sift through all the crazies. Cuz let's be honest, most of the people on there are gonna be dishonest and/or crazy.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know exactly what Utah is....that's why I left ;) And as difficult as my relationships outside of mormon mecca have been, they have honestly been better....learning experiences in what I need and want at least.