Let's Talk About Sex, Baby...

Or I'm Mormon. So not really.

Let's talk about NCMOs. You all know you've had one. Even those of us who try to pass it off by dating someone we really don't like and continuously telling them (and yourself) that "you still want to give them a chance even though you're not committed because you, in all actuality, don't know".... regardless of the fact that all you do is make out with them....yeah, you know. You know deep in the recesses of your conscience that you're just in it for the lip action.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't believe in NCMOs. Mostly because I don't believe in hurting others, or knowingly thrusting myself into heartache. And let's face it, no one has ever come out of one of those unscathed. At the very least, you feel dirty and used, and even if you weren't interested, the moment you're done it's a freakin race to get the hottest boyfriend possible before he shows up with America's next top model.

With all that being said, there's lots of boy talk and making out flying around our house these days, and it's making me itch just a little...or a lot. But regardless of how much I wanna put my tally on that white board (honestly, who does that!?...) becoming a lesser human being by abasing my morals and giving in to some lustful desire that's just going to leave me feeling crappy at the end anyway, is totally not worth it.

So in the mean time, I'll be over here. With my self-imposed hyper-chaste morals keeping me warm at night.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

So I've been thinking....about dating. It's a lot like food.

I really love brussel sprouts. I also really love sushi, broccoli, eggplant, dark chocolate, squash in all its varieties, chicken hearts, olives, mushrooms....the list goes on.

But I really detest Jello. Hate it. I mean seriously....look:

In nature bright colors = poisonous

Agh! .....oh......oh ew...

Why is this bedded in arugala!?

This recipe exists. I own the cookbook.
(Not funny mom.)

It's milky....and white....with colored chunks?

And if it's not disgusting enough by itself....

But I digress....

I also don't like french fries, maraschino cherries, coffee flavoring, mint in my chocolate, bleu cheese, salmon, and in general I'm EXTREMELY selective about my hamburgers.

Now, this isn't about my tastebuds, so stop being outraged. Just because I don't like those things doesn't mean that they're bad (Except Jello). And just because I like the other things, doesn't mean that they're good, it just means I like them. It's a matter of preference.

Dating is the same. It's all a matter of preference. I like tall guys with dark hair. I also like them super confident, slightly sassy, and exceptionally smart, cause let's face it...I need to be put in my place :) However, this doesn't mean that nobody ever likes smaller, quiet, shy guys. In fact, it doesn't mean that I don't like them. It just means that I prefer the other one. It's what I'm attracted to. But, just like my tastebuds, I can change over time. Sometimes even if I'm not initially attracted to a guy, he grows on me and my preference changes, and sometimes it doesn't. 

So people, what I'm trying to say is: when I say that I want the vanilla ice cream instead of the chocolate, it's not because the chocolate sucks (we all know that's not true). It's because I prefer it. And when the cute boy I like decides to go for the younger, more petite, lots of eyeliner girl, it's not because she's better than me, it's because she's different, and that different happens to be his vanilla. 

In Less Than 2 Minutes

Because I've been blocked for blogging material recently, I decided to turn to my dear Facebook friends for blog-spiration, and it turns out the majority want to see random cat pictures....

Now, some of you had some good ideas, and I'll ponder on them. To you cat people: thanks for crappy suggestions. 

Since I write based on my life anyway, I thought I'd do a quick Sarah-Scan to see if anything came up. Hence, I give you:

Sarah Murray: In Less Than 2 Minutes (Divided, of course, into categories and bullet points, sprinkled with sarcasm for your reading pleasure)

Chapter 1: A Brief History

I grew up a redneck, turned into a hippie and became a Mormon. I'm now a free-spirit with morals and a really bad sunburn.

Chapter 2: Likes and Loathes

I love mornings and hate jello. Doing nothing and accomplishing everything are both my favorite. I detest wearing shoes, but love the way they look on my feet. I love my bed time and will ignore it for 3 reasons:

1. To help someone in need
2. A great conversation
3. To cuddle with a boy

I love Escanaba, MI but will never live there. I am petrified of having full-length conversations on the phone, and avoid Facebook chat at all costs. I like Winter cause I look cute. My favorite hygienic activity is brushing my teeth.

Chapter 3: If I were....

A car, I'd be a Mini Cooper. An animal, I'd be a Penguin. Color: Deep Violet, Country: Morocco, Season: Autumn, Instrument: Bassoon, Music: Psychedelic Rock, Alcohol: Cognac 

Chapter 4: Music

Here are my iPod playlists:

• 17 Again
• Cheer up Emo Kid
• Comfortably Numb
• Jesus Music
• Kick It!
• Ladies Night
• Like a Villian
• PMS With a Gun
• Prozac
• Road Trippin'
• Soul Sista

Chapter 5: Loves and Losses

Joel Asher was my first love, we were going to get married and ride to pre-school on a purple school bus together; he moved to Wyoming before pre-school started.  There are 2 men I would've given my heart away to, I dated neither. My first kiss is still my best.

Chapter 6: Laws of Attraction

I love tall, skinny smart men who dress like old guys. I was recently converted to younger men. Gauged ears are my weakness.

Chapter 7: Things I Think are Useless

Feminists.

Eat My Pie

I started a new blog. Partially because I love blogging, and partially because I have a disease called over-productivity. Somewhere in the hustle and bustle of my life, I lost my ability to do things for myself. So with the help of some friends, we decided I would start a new blog. It will be a pretty personal, intimate look at Sarah and the on goings in my life. I'm anticipating less sassy and confident, and more vulnerable and artsy. So if you're into that kinda thing, feel free to visit it from time to time. It won't be posted on Facebook for the masses, just on it's own, mostly for me. So for those of you who care, I introduce to you:

Eat My Pie.

Was that really necessary?

Julie B. Beck once suggested organizing our lives into things that are essential, things that are necessary, and things that are nice. And I thought "How could this relate to dating?" Well, if you remember, in a previous post I resolved to throw out the checklist until I'm actually dating someone seriously, which just made my "are you worth my time" checklist into my "should I marry this guy" checklist. So I thought I'd give it a little read through using this "essential, necessary, nice" classification...

Is it too long? Possibly a little too demanding? Is my desire to have my future husband ride in on a Harley decked out in leather and smelling of sweet musky man unreasonable?

Probably. Which means it's time to revamp the 'ol list, starting with the essentials:

So what is the difference between essential and necessary?

Essentials, for me, are those things that would allow me to be confident the two of us could make it work if and only if we were the last two people on Earth:

• Regular Temple Attendance
• Personal relationship with the Savior
• Complete conversion to the Gospel 
• Honors his Priesthood
• Doesn't believe divorce is an option (not that that would matter if we were the only two people on Earth)

Then we have the Necessary things, those oh-so important personality traits that I need to ensure I don't stab my spouse:

• Sense of humor
• Communicates well
• Understanding
• Listens
• Self-Esteem
• Social aptitude
• Physically active

And the Nice things, these are usually the things we think we need, but don't:

• Assertive
• Outgoing
• Strong physical connection
• Has a budget
• Doesn't like Will Ferrell movies...

Now, obviously, these are just off the top of my head and nowhere near a completed list, but the point is that I feel like our ideals may get skewed just a teensy bit by that list we make in Young Women's:

• Returned Missionary
• Eagle Scout
• Blue Eyes
• Likes it when I twirl my skirt like this...
• Rides a white steed

....that might have been an exaggeration, but you get the point. What I'm trying to say is that I feel like we often spend so much time making these lists, that we forget what we actually need in a companion and end up creating an unaccomplishable ideal. So, men and brethren/ sistren, I ask you:

Is everything on your list a necessity?
Is it even reasonable?
Can you live up to your own list?

If you answered no to any of these, you might be a hypocrite. It's ok, I am too.

Really? Still not essential?

But seriously, I've been revamping my list, and in doing so, I'm realizing that some of the guys I decided to give the boot, probably deserve a second chance. Because as I've been observing the great examples of happy marriages in my life, I'm discovering that the things that I love about them are the things they've developed over years of marriage. Just like we can't start out with the nice house, a Harley and stable job, you can't start a relationship with 20+ years of shared experiences and understanding the small things about your spouse. These things are the blessings of hard-work and we can't expect rewards for a work we haven't done now can we?

One Less Lonely Girl...

I got into a pretty heated discussion about dating and "the Lord's timing" a couple weeks ago. It was the usual: Girls complaining about not being asked on dates, Guys complaining about girls complaining, and everyone coming to the same resolutions "Well, there really aren't any answers," and "It'll all happen in the Lord's time."

First of all, let's talk about there not being any answers. Really!? Marriage is a commandment, the highest ordinance one can receive in this life. Eternal families are the whole reason we're here. Plus, with how often we get the marriage talk, do you really think that the Lord is going to leave us with zero answers?  Go ahead...think about it...

Didn't think so.

So for those of you sitting around wondering "Why am I still single?" let me give you my 2 cents: I believe that we all need to form our own "Dating Identity."

Story time!
Once upon a time I had a roommate who consistently had at least 5 different suitors at a time. I, on the other hand, had none. So in order the gain the attention of the male population, I would observe the behaviors of said fair maiden and try to mimic her actions. When I did this, not only did I feel like I was living a lie, but my efforts were completely unsuccessful, because we were 2 entirely different people. However, there were still 2 undeniable facts:

1. I had no dates
2. She had lots

But when I was trying to be like her, my efforts were failing miserably. Why? Well, because I wasn't her. She had the gift to be sincerely interested in everything about everyone. Plus, she had the hair flipping, arm touching and cute laughing all perfectly timed to the millisecond. I didn't have any of that, in fact, my strengths are completely different....not to mention I'm not really good at timing the hair flip/lip lick/cute giggle thing.....

So how was I supposed to get a boy's attention!?

Always distracted by food....

Well, I realized that she didn't actually have anything special, she just knew how be her "shiniest" self. Which meant all I really needed to do was harness the most comfortable, confident, out-going Sarah that existed. So I took a self assessment, and found my shiny alter-ego: witty, sassy, side-smile, squeeze-his-bicep Sarah.

The end.

Good story huh? :)

Basically, when we say we have no answers, it's because we think we need to be or say or do something that feels very unlike us. But in all reality, you need to be, say and do things that are 100% you. So figure out who your flirting alter-ego is and run with it. And in case you care, here's my 3-part formula for flirting comfortability:

1. Recognize your own talents and gifts - These are tools the Lord has given you, as you grow and develop them, your confidence around people grows because you feel like you have something to offer.
2.Do whatever it is you need to do to feel attractive - not be attractive, that's subjective. If you feel attractive, you're going to look attractive, and vice versa.
3. Forward momentum - You have to make some kind of movement. Fate doesn't exist, and God doesn't bless the lazy or the stupid. Get out of your comfort zone and make the magic happen.

Which brings me to "it's all in the Lord's timing," need I refer you all to President Uchtdorf's talk on Patience yet again?

"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don’t appear instantly or without effort. There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears... It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed."

Thank you Dieter, I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, if we apply this to dating, I ask you:

Are you doing all you can to pursue marriage? If not, stop complaining and ask the Lord what else you can do. If you are, you shouldn't be complaining anyway.

In The Interim...

Lately I've been feeling a lot of things:

Inadequacy

Heartbreak

Homesickness

Discouragement

Fear

Overwhelment

Frustration

And all of that coupled with a highly active church calling and feeling like I'm behind at work leads to lots of over-thinking. Church today was definitely needed. I realized that regardless of all of the things that are going on in my life, despite all of the emotions that I'm feeling there is only one thing that matters: My relationship with the Savior. It is my anchor in the storm, and when there is too much to handle - and I can't even hold all of my tasks in one hand, let alone accomplish them all - if I, like Peter walking on the water, just keep my eyes on the Savior, I can accomplish miracles in the storms of my life. 

I used to see church as an inconvenience, 3 hours of meetings that I had to sit through. But now it's my refuge. Today I walked in "ready for bed." I was tired, beaten down, grumpy and completely antisocial. I have to admit that the thought of sitting through Sacrament talks was almost too much for me. But as each speaker spoke I felt life being slowly breathed back into my soul. My light, which had been dimmed by the world throughout the week, was being replenished by the Spirit. It was a magnificent feeling. And while I still felt tired, I also felt joy and light. 

The Gospel is my refuge from the storm, and each day I grow continually more and more grateful for it in my life. 

I painted this for a friend. It represents where I want to be...

 6 Yea, they shall not be beaten down by the storm at the last day; yea, neither shall they be harrowed up by the whirlwinds; but when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them.

 7 But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day.