It was one of those mornings :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
I Like Boys.
The other day I had two interesting experiences. Both with close guy friends.
Experience 1:
Me: "In 25 years I have been asked out, actually asked on a date, twice. How does that not make me feel unattractive?"
Friend 1: *Stares in space trying to think of the right thing to say*
I could see his gears working real hard so I just waited patiently. After an extended silence...
Friend 1: Yeah, this is where guys and girls are different.....*shrugs* just don't feel that way.
Me: Yeah......that doesn't work.
Experience 2: Discussing a past relationship
Friend 2: She's the one who distanced herself from me, and that was hard, but now that I'm over her she's being all weird and interested in my life again...
Me: Well, girls have to go through a process. After a breakup they have to distance themselves because we're naturally optimistic creatures and if any semblance of hope remains, she'll just always hold onto it. So we have to vilify you in our minds so that the optimism dies. But once that process is complete she needs to come back to make sure it's really dead. Now that's the tricky part because inevitably feelings come back, and, especially if she's lonely, she may try to talk herself back into it, but ultimately what she wants is closure, it's just going to take her a minute to talk herself into actually letting the door close.
Friend 2: *laughing* What!? .....Girls are weird.
And never has a truer statement been made. We are so weird!!! We're so weird we don't even understand us. It's like freaking Wheel of Fortune in our heads all day long. But instead of varying amounts of money, they're emotions. And the wheel is spun by hormones. Sometimes you get 3 R's at 1,000 bucks a piece, and life is good. And sometimes you hit Bankrupt.
Sometimes I wonder why God made us like this. Especially when men are such simple creatures. With such a distinct difference how have people been getting married all these years!? How do boys even like us with all our complications? Personally, I see nothing attractive about women. We're small and we're always freezing. We shed all over the place, and as I've mentioned, we're pretty needy and emotionally complicated. Who wants that?
Men on the other hand, they got all sorts of good stuff going for them. They're all sorts of warm and comfy. There's nothing better than being the little spoon...am I right? When you're with them you feel all safe and cozy, plus because of their lack of emotion, you get to just throw yours out and they make it all better by just holding you. And regardless of the fact that they can be kinda smelly sometimes, the stuff that they use to cover it up is amazing!!! It just makes you wanna snuggle more.
However, when I talk to my guy friends, they feel the exact opposite. They think of all these really great things about girls...things I can't even remember. So I guess the reason the Lord made us like this is because we're complimentary. And eternally I feel like our purpose is to balance each other out.
The best example I have of this is me and one of my friends. We are very different individuals. To put it in the simplest terms: you know the saying "All or nothing?" She is all, and I am nothing. While she's off overdoing things, I'm over here underdoing it. However, we've realized we both need to be somewhere in the middle, and have started learning from each other.
That's how I feel men and women should be. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses, neither is better than the other, but we can both learn something from one another. Which is why I like boys so much, because they balance me. I feel less emotional when I'm around them, like the wheel in my head isn't spinning so much, and I can just be calm, for just a minute.
Experience 1:
Me: "In 25 years I have been asked out, actually asked on a date, twice. How does that not make me feel unattractive?"
Friend 1: *Stares in space trying to think of the right thing to say*
I could see his gears working real hard so I just waited patiently. After an extended silence...
Friend 1: Yeah, this is where guys and girls are different.....*shrugs* just don't feel that way.
Me: Yeah......that doesn't work.
Experience 2: Discussing a past relationship
Friend 2: She's the one who distanced herself from me, and that was hard, but now that I'm over her she's being all weird and interested in my life again...
Me: Well, girls have to go through a process. After a breakup they have to distance themselves because we're naturally optimistic creatures and if any semblance of hope remains, she'll just always hold onto it. So we have to vilify you in our minds so that the optimism dies. But once that process is complete she needs to come back to make sure it's really dead. Now that's the tricky part because inevitably feelings come back, and, especially if she's lonely, she may try to talk herself back into it, but ultimately what she wants is closure, it's just going to take her a minute to talk herself into actually letting the door close.
Friend 2: *laughing* What!? .....Girls are weird.
Sometimes I wonder why God made us like this. Especially when men are such simple creatures. With such a distinct difference how have people been getting married all these years!? How do boys even like us with all our complications? Personally, I see nothing attractive about women. We're small and we're always freezing. We shed all over the place, and as I've mentioned, we're pretty needy and emotionally complicated. Who wants that?
Men on the other hand, they got all sorts of good stuff going for them. They're all sorts of warm and comfy. There's nothing better than being the little spoon...am I right? When you're with them you feel all safe and cozy, plus because of their lack of emotion, you get to just throw yours out and they make it all better by just holding you. And regardless of the fact that they can be kinda smelly sometimes, the stuff that they use to cover it up is amazing!!! It just makes you wanna snuggle more.
However, when I talk to my guy friends, they feel the exact opposite. They think of all these really great things about girls...things I can't even remember. So I guess the reason the Lord made us like this is because we're complimentary. And eternally I feel like our purpose is to balance each other out.
The best example I have of this is me and one of my friends. We are very different individuals. To put it in the simplest terms: you know the saying "All or nothing?" She is all, and I am nothing. While she's off overdoing things, I'm over here underdoing it. However, we've realized we both need to be somewhere in the middle, and have started learning from each other.
That's how I feel men and women should be. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses, neither is better than the other, but we can both learn something from one another. Which is why I like boys so much, because they balance me. I feel less emotional when I'm around them, like the wheel in my head isn't spinning so much, and I can just be calm, for just a minute.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Bachelor #1
Last night I went in for the nightly feeding of Joplin, and found her keeled over in her wheel breathing extremely shallow. I've seen her in hibernation before, and this wasn't it. I became really worried. She was responsive, but barely. From what I could tell she hadn't touched her food in days and she was pretty skinny. So I quickly Googled how to nurse a malnourished hedgehog back to health, ran to the store to get all the essentials, and came back to care for the little one.
Let's quickly jump back a couple months to my What is the Deal post:
After posting it I got a text from Bachelor #1 praising my blogging talents, and offering an open invitation to discuss the male psyche whenever I wanted. I said I'd take him up on that and call him soon. As those of you who are close to me know, the word "soon" usually means 3 months to never. Finally, Sunday night said Bachelor called and said "I'm sick of waiting for you to call." ...I like boldness. It's hot :) Unfortunately I was at a social event and had to call him back....
Last night:
As I was awake, nursing my sick hedgehog back to health, I decided to call him. We small talked, he'd owned hedgehogs in the past and assured me Joplin would pull through. Then he cut to the chase (again with the boldness...excellently done Bachelor #1) and brought up my blog post. He even had the gumption to ask which of the Bachelors he was....I immediately sang "You're So Vain."
To make a long story with lots of ego-boosting-yet-boring-irrelevant details short, he explained his behavior, and it was pretty much as I suspected. He did like me, but has had a string of bad long-distance relationships, and since he lives out of state he decided to break the chain, a decision I completely agree with.
Now, there are a few reasons for this post:
1. This is what my friend Lauren calls "a win." A boy that I liked, liked me back. And there's nothing better than falling asleep curled up next to your sick hedgehog thinking about that :)
2. I know when a boy likes me....I know when a boy likes me. This is a useful skill.
3. Bachelor #1 increased in sexiness by about 50 points for acting like a man last night. Finally someone who has enough confidence in himself to not only fess up to feelings, but who is willing to be 100% honest about a situation. And because I know that you, sir, are stalking my blog, Congratulations :)
Ladies and Gentleman of the SBSA (Sarah Blog-Stalker Association), I would like to tell you to hold on to hope. Dating, like any other principle of the Gospel, is a simple 3 step process:
1. Pray and tell Heavenly Father what you want, being as specific as possible.
2. Ask what your part in bring this prayer to fruition is. Be willing to bend to His will. After all, He does know what's best for you better than you do :)
3. Act in Patience. Others have said it better than me:
"Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." -D&C 123:17
"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience [requires] actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results [don’t] appear instantly or without effort." - Elder Uchtdorf
The desired outcome may not happen immediately, in fact, it probably won't. But, if you continue to act in faith for however long it takes, there will be wins along the way!
Oh, and Joplin is feeling much better this morning :)
Let's quickly jump back a couple months to my What is the Deal post:
After posting it I got a text from Bachelor #1 praising my blogging talents, and offering an open invitation to discuss the male psyche whenever I wanted. I said I'd take him up on that and call him soon. As those of you who are close to me know, the word "soon" usually means 3 months to never. Finally, Sunday night said Bachelor called and said "I'm sick of waiting for you to call." ...I like boldness. It's hot :) Unfortunately I was at a social event and had to call him back....
Last night:
As I was awake, nursing my sick hedgehog back to health, I decided to call him. We small talked, he'd owned hedgehogs in the past and assured me Joplin would pull through. Then he cut to the chase (again with the boldness...excellently done Bachelor #1) and brought up my blog post. He even had the gumption to ask which of the Bachelors he was....I immediately sang "You're So Vain."
To make a long story with lots of ego-boosting-yet-boring-irrelevant details short, he explained his behavior, and it was pretty much as I suspected. He did like me, but has had a string of bad long-distance relationships, and since he lives out of state he decided to break the chain, a decision I completely agree with.
Now, there are a few reasons for this post:
1. This is what my friend Lauren calls "a win." A boy that I liked, liked me back. And there's nothing better than falling asleep curled up next to your sick hedgehog thinking about that :)
2. I know when a boy likes me....I know when a boy likes me. This is a useful skill.3. Bachelor #1 increased in sexiness by about 50 points for acting like a man last night. Finally someone who has enough confidence in himself to not only fess up to feelings, but who is willing to be 100% honest about a situation. And because I know that you, sir, are stalking my blog, Congratulations :)
Ladies and Gentleman of the SBSA (Sarah Blog-Stalker Association), I would like to tell you to hold on to hope. Dating, like any other principle of the Gospel, is a simple 3 step process:
1. Pray and tell Heavenly Father what you want, being as specific as possible.
2. Ask what your part in bring this prayer to fruition is. Be willing to bend to His will. After all, He does know what's best for you better than you do :)
3. Act in Patience. Others have said it better than me:
"Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." -D&C 123:17
"...Patience [is] far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience [requires] actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results [don’t] appear instantly or without effort." - Elder Uchtdorf
The desired outcome may not happen immediately, in fact, it probably won't. But, if you continue to act in faith for however long it takes, there will be wins along the way!
Oh, and Joplin is feeling much better this morning :)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Death and Rebirth...
In the world of dating, you have Carrots and Doors:
Carrots are fun.They dangle in the back of your mind and you can think about them occasionally, while entertaining the idea of going to play with it at some future date. Then every once in a while, you stretch your little bunny legs and take a shot at getting it down from it's perch. The Carrot is carefree, without commitment and is generally good dating exercise.
Doors are a little more complicated. Doors are to be walked through, they take commitment and dedication, and can only exist when the desire for one is mutual, and intentions are pure. You spend ample time pondering about what lies beyond the door, and weighing your options to see if it's what you really want. And much like Let's Make a Deal, it's a gamble. Door #1 may not contain the shiny new car you were hoping for, leaving you filled with disappointment, and a continued quest for another Door.
Yesterday I closed a very old Door. The feelings are mature, they've been tried, and tested and they run extremely deep, but have never been expressed by either party. For a long time I've wondered if it even was a Door....it felt like more than a Carrot, and when we were together it felt like more of a Door than I've ever known.... Just recently we were honest with each other. We had both, most certainly, been keeping this door alive - for years - but walking through that door required more than either of us could give, not because we were selfish....in fact it was the opposite. Because we loved each other, we knew that this place we had reached had to be the end. To go further than this would mean the deterioration of everything we had built. So now, here we stood, before this door that had always been envisioned but had never actually manifested, and just moments after it came into being, we chose to let it go...
It just reminds me that, in all things, death always brings new life.
Carrots are fun.They dangle in the back of your mind and you can think about them occasionally, while entertaining the idea of going to play with it at some future date. Then every once in a while, you stretch your little bunny legs and take a shot at getting it down from it's perch. The Carrot is carefree, without commitment and is generally good dating exercise.
Doors are a little more complicated. Doors are to be walked through, they take commitment and dedication, and can only exist when the desire for one is mutual, and intentions are pure. You spend ample time pondering about what lies beyond the door, and weighing your options to see if it's what you really want. And much like Let's Make a Deal, it's a gamble. Door #1 may not contain the shiny new car you were hoping for, leaving you filled with disappointment, and a continued quest for another Door.
Now, while Doors tend to be scarier than Carrots, they're essentially what we're all looking for. Within each of us is a desire to walk through a good Door, and never have to search for another one ever again.
Yesterday I closed a very old Door. The feelings are mature, they've been tried, and tested and they run extremely deep, but have never been expressed by either party. For a long time I've wondered if it even was a Door....it felt like more than a Carrot, and when we were together it felt like more of a Door than I've ever known.... Just recently we were honest with each other. We had both, most certainly, been keeping this door alive - for years - but walking through that door required more than either of us could give, not because we were selfish....in fact it was the opposite. Because we loved each other, we knew that this place we had reached had to be the end. To go further than this would mean the deterioration of everything we had built. So now, here we stood, before this door that had always been envisioned but had never actually manifested, and just moments after it came into being, we chose to let it go...
To be honest, I hurt.
For majority of my adult life, this Door has been in my heart as a place of safety and refuge; a sanctuary I could visit in moments of distress. It was a place of hope that embodied the happiest moments of my life. Something I'd kept sacred and told no one about...and now I feel it slowly fading away as each memory comes back individually to say good-bye. It hurts...differently than it's ever hurt before. It's a mourning for a future that, for 7 years, had been carefully woven together with hope and love, but can never exist.
Fortunately the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, timed the passing of this Door in the middle of a Carrot...a good, light-hearted, fun, extremely casual, catered-to-my-current-needs...Carrot.
It just reminds me that, in all things, death always brings new life.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Drug of Choice
Lately I've been feeling a little unbalanced, and today I figured out what's been missing.
Two Summers ago I read this book:
It's based on the theory that we're all children of an Infinitely Creative Being, and therefore, we are all inherently creative. However, throughout life, and for differing reasons, we all lose confidence in our creative capabilities. Therefore, we become blocked and believe that "Artists" are people with extraordinary capabilities, and the rest of the masses, us, were simply born without those gifts. This book calls your blocked-artist's bluff and walks you through a 12 week program back to your Inner Artist.
It's phenomenal. If you haven't read it, go buy it right now.
There's a whole section about the defense tactics we use to keep ourselves blocked. These blocks can range anywhere from substance abuse, to creating drama in your life or surrounding yourself with unhealthy people. My drug of choice? Work. If you know me at all, you're probably laughing. Whether it's my job, church calling, or just plain friendship responsibilities, I will make myself so unbelievably busy that I can't possibly think about what's going on in my life. Now, being an introvert by nature, this poses a very large problem for me. In the past, it's lead to what I like to refer to as shut downs, where my brain and body, literally, just stop. It would happen about once every 3-4 months and I would usually just lock myself in my house for 2-3 days and watch movies until I'd regrouped. After reading this book, I realized that I need time to take care of myself so that I can take care of others, and I can prevent these shut downs if I just take that time.
Well, I started "cutting away the fat," if you will, and making sure to take consistent Sarah-time. However, with all this new found RSP stuff going on, my Sarah-time has been replaced with other important things. And today, I realized that I haven't painted in months. So, I'm taking an oil painting class. I've only done some self-taught watercolors, but oils are really what I've always wanted to do, and I'd like to really learn them, so I decided on some classes. In celebration, I have some goodies for you :)
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| This is my very first painting, it took me the duration of the 12 week program. It's my interpretation of me. |
This is a Mormon Message that was created from my favorite Elder Uchtdorf talk ever on Creating. The link will take you to the full length talk. I highly recommend it :)
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