Please Exit the Ride to Your Left

Well hey! How's it going? Long time no see....I missed you! I feel like I've been on the Matterhorn and lived to tell the tale. Now, I know you have questions. It's why you're here. The good news is that I have answers, so let's just get those out of the way.

1. Aren't you in Washington?

Actually, I'm not. I went, I really did. I have speeding tickets from Montana, Oregon and Idaho to prove it. But try as I might the Lord had other plans, so here I am back in Utah. I'm living in Provo which is.....fine. Unfortunately my position at Highland Chiropractic had already been filled so I've acquired a job down here at Carrabba's Italian Whatever and am currently awaiting the start of summer semester at BYU. Which leads us directly into question 2....

2. So no Hawaii!?

Nope, no Hawaii. And in all honesty, the details of how I know and why are all wrapped up into hours of conversations with God. Suffice it to say I'm where I'm supposed to be and I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me and not only gives me what I need, but sometimes also what I want. 

3. Are you dating a boy?

Yes. Yes I am. And I like him. He's 21 (bringing me to a status of Cougar²), majoring in Criminal Justice at UVU, makes me laugh, has a beard and loves the Lord. If you would like further details you're more than welcome to take me to lunch. 

So now that we're all caught up, let me tell you what I've learned over the last month and a half:

God Loves Me.

I say it all the time with meaning and belief, but this time I felt it. I felt something akin to what Abraham must have felt as he was asked to climb to the top of Mount Moriah to sacrifice his only son; emotions similar to those he felt as he told Issac what God had commanded and watched as he willingly laid himself upon the altar, followed by the conflict of pure faith and pain within his heart as he raised his knife to slay his only son. 

What I learned was that at this moment, when Abraham raises his knife, he is not building his faith in God. At this point Abraham's faith has already become knowledge or God would've never required something so dramatic. He realizes that the only knowledge that is sure is that that is founded in God. All Abraham needed to know was that God was not only real, but his father. And with that knowledge we witness a complete surrender of Abraham's will, accompanied with his dependence on God's omniscience. Abraham doesn't know the outcome of this situation, he doesn't know how he's going to walk back down the mountain and explain to Sarah that he has sacrificed the son that they waited a century for - the only child they'll ever have - or perhaps how to even continue life knowing that he killed his own son. But what Abraham did know was that God loved him and no matter what happened everything would not only be ok, but would be for his benefit. God wasn't testing Abraham's faith, he was making him like Himself.

To be god-like is to be selfless, fearless and willing. And to get to that point we must know that God has all knowledge, and it is through these experiences of sacrifice and trial that we come to understand not just that he knows best, but that he simply knows. As we come to the end of these hardships we emerge from the darkness to see that we have become a bit more like him; we see things a little more clearly from his perspective, and ultimately become more accepting of his will. 

So yes, it's been a roller coaster. The last month and an half has been nothing short of a Molotov Cocktail of emotion, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.