Check!

My good friend and co-worker Tess has recently become my dating consultant. Back in the day, before she was married, she was what I like to refer to as the "pied piper of men." She had skill. So she's got some good advice. One of the most important ones I've collected from her is this:

Throw out the checklist.

The longer we're out in the dating world, the longer our list becomes. We start to realize "I could never date a guy who's passive," "I need someone with direction," "I want him to be outgoing," blah, blah, blah. Let's remember here kids....we're the single ones, which means we don't actually know what we want in a husband. I'm sure if we talked to all our married friends, most of them didn't get "everything they wanted" but they still love their spouses.

Of course we want to keep the most important things, but everything else prevents us from finding the hidden gems of the world. I'm done hearing my friends say "he's just so quiet" or "he watches Family Guy" or "I've never seen him bear his testimony" before anyone's even gone on a date. Well...ya know what? I'm shy in huge groups of people, I can be painfully blunt, and 90% of the time I'm thinking sexual innuendos during a perfectly innocent conversation...but I'm still kinda awesome right? I mean...you are reading my blog.

So Tess has recommended that I throw out my checklist of ridiculousity (real word) until (insert boy) and I are discussing marriage. Which is exactly what I intend to do, because the way I see it...dating isn't marriage. It's dating. Which is supposed to be fun, so why would I complicate it with a checklist? Especially when I've never even had a real conversation with the guy.

I got lists at work. That's good enough.

Mawiage is What Bwings us Togevah Today

Ok. I get the point....it's time to get married. We all have our own reasons for why we're still single, and with all this added "pressure" I've noticed a few basic coping mechanisms (note: I'm aware these are extreme. Don't send me hate mail):

1. The Panic-ers - their spouse died in the war in heaven, and they are, therefore, doomed to eternal singlehood

2. The Independents - because of the excessive social pressure they rebel against the "norm" and continue in a leisurely recreational lifestyle.

and....

3. The Bitters - since all men are jerks, and all women are crazy, they've simply given up hope on the opposite gender all together.


I personally like to dabble with a light swim in each of these pools from time to time, but, as with all issues that I don't really have an opinion on, I generally try to remove myself from the situation all together. However, with all of this talk of eternal companions flying around how can I not help but wonder where I stand on the subject of marriage?

As a young single Latter-Day Saint, it's nearly impossible to not feel conflicted when the topic comes up. Do I want to be married? Absolutely! I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, and soon. I love the principle of eternal progression, and the idea of being able to work with the man I love to gain exaltation happens to be my idea of Happily Ever After. But this is the only ordinance of the gospel that deals with the agency of others, meaning I get to continuously throw myself into situations where my heart has the potential to be shattered into a million pieces. Stellar.

On top of that, I was raised to be independent, and to not rely on others for what I could provide for myself, including self-love. If I can't love myself how can I love others, right? Now, I think I got the self-esteem thing down pretty well, but can you, as a single person, honestly admit to me that you love crawling into bed by yourself at night? Yeah, me either. No matter how independent we are, we all need love and companionship, because the Lord made us that way. And that God-given desire for companionship has to constantly defend itself to our egos, who say "I don't need anyone else in my life"; but the truth is, that while my self-worth is not based on the love that I receive from others, I still need it.

I've decided that all of these reasons are why it's considered the "Crowning Ordinance" of the Gospel. Marriage is the institution where the Lord teaches us, not only to love something more than ourselves, but to gain the ability to receive that love from someone else. It requires us to become completely selfless, and is the only ordinance that can give us a glimpse of what it feels like to love others perfectly. But to obtain that divine love, we have to work impossibly hard, and with the word "Eternal" attached to the word "Companion," marriage can seem pretty daunting.

So with all these thoughts, floating around, I've decided that it is, in fact, time for me to get married. Not for me to panic and throw myself at a bunch of men, but time for me to throw away my checklist, ignore those little pangs of fear, and have some freaking fun. So....

Bring it.

The Master's Touch

As I’ve been reading the New Testament this year I’ve been amazed at all of the healing that Christ did during His ministry. Today I was reading in Luke 6 when Christ heals a man with a withered hand, and I thought to myself “This man already had the faith to be healed; he is there in front of the Savior, waiting patiently, with his ailment, for his turn to feel the Master’s touch.” Then I wondered what it would be like if we could actually see the ailments that the Lord has healed in those around us; our friends, family, mere acquaintances. How differently would we treat them if we only knew their struggles? I personally have had those moments when the Savior’s touch was the only thing that could retrieve me from my own thoughts, and bring me back to light.

As I kept reading I noticed the small things the Savior asked this man to do, and realized that in all of His healings He gives a small command to the person being healed. In this case He asks the man to “Rise up, and stand forth in the midst,” and the man followed. Then, the Savior says “Stretch forth thy hand. And he did so: and his hand was restored whole as the other.” For each of our individual trials, struggles, and ailments – whether they are emotional or physical – the Lord gives us small commands, which bring us to the moment that we will be restored whole, complete. But we must prepare for this moment of perfection, because ultimately it is through these small acts of obedience that we attain it. It is in each of these individual moments that we reach out to the Savior, and seek to feel His touch, even if it is simply the hem of His robe. 

Adventures in Craigslist

So one of our roommates recently moved out, and we've been attempting to find a new one. Unfortunately, the easiest way to do this is through KSL and Craigslist....which can be scary. Here's the latest!

The first email I receive looks like this:


Hi,
Is your room for rent?, Am single female 25 of age, i have a B. S. in computer information systems and technology , i love pets, am looking for clean and nice place that i can stay for some month and if place will be available for year i will be also be ok with that. I will love to hear from you.. if you still have it for rent. Thanks
 
Gurl Japanese

Ok, so she's foreign, from the context clues, probably Japanese. I can handle that. So I reply with:

Hi!

The room is still available, and you're more than welcome to set up a time to come look at it if you'd like. You can either email me back, or just call me at..... Thanks!

Sarah

Pretty basic, and straight forward right? I got this beauty in response. I would add commentary, but I feel it speaks for itself:

Hi
Thanks so much for getting back to me, I am the neat type, I really appreciate your word, i cloud have love to see the place before making any plan but I really have a lot of things to do as am busy getting same thing down, I like responsible,trustworthy person, But i will be fine if you can tell me about the place and you. A quick biography of myself, I was born and bread in South Dakota, I am a 6 flit, 25 yrs old e. I have a B. S. in computer information systems and technology from Purdue University and. Want to further, so i can have my master in computer information degree's, I am a very responsible and understanding person who like to keep things neat, or as orderly as possible out of habit. I love animals,I don't keep late nights neither i will have overnight guest around, but I am fine if you do, now am in Oklahoma, i believe that having my master Degrees in computer information will be a great thing for my Daddy even when my late mothers  still alive always told me that i most to my master after i finish my university,...My Ambition and Work: I was looking to settee down after my Master because I understand that I'll be doing good when i have my master then i can start a good life as I've being told by my Daddy friend who is a business man in Hong Kong. Paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends, so you shouldn't be bothered about the payment. I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so I want you to tell me all about the area, as am busy to come over,but the pictures. I also want you to know that I have a car that will be coming over with, and little of my furniture, please let me know if there will be space for that. With all that I've said above, I have told you more about me and my picture of mine will be attach in the next email, Let me how I can go about securing the place down before my arrival as I will be busy from now preparing to see my daddy in South Dakota and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as I am going to secure the place with a deposit.Feel free to ask me any question and as I've said,I am looking to move in by the availability of the place, but want to secured it now
Thanks..

Born and bread in South Dakota....riiiight. 

Damn Straight!

That's right. I just swore, and let me tell you why.

Recently, my friend Sarah made a post titled "Hot and Chubby" all about how one of her guy friends mentioned to her that he always thought she was hot...but chubby. Not that he had a problem with it, but that was just how he felt. Then she continued on with a pleasant blog entry about how she was sick of being hot and chubby and she just wanted to be hot. So she waltzed her way into a personal trainer, went through all the ins and outs of BMI and figuring out what a healthy weight would be, and finally her and her trainer came to a goal, which left her lean, healthy and with a remaining portion of boobs. It was actually quite motivational. 

With that being said, let me tell you a little story. I grew up with an older sister who got the tall, skinny genes all through puberty, a mom who I remember always being concerned about her weight, a dad who was built large, 2 older cousins (who were a lot like brothers) with great metabolisms, 2 aunts who were thin and very attractive, a younger brother who ate everything in sight and packed on muscle, and all the while having little to no education on what being healthy meant. With all of this perspective I had to figure out what my reality was. And the reality was I, Sarah Murray, had a slow metabolism, with my dad's Slavic build, but I was eating like the rest of my high metabolizing  family members, all the while absorbing my mom's extreme concern for weight. All of that combined landed me at age 17 and 250 lbs.

Now, luckily, I joined weight watchers and lost about 70lbs, and have, over the last few years, formed healthy habits which have resulted in losing another 20lbs. Now I say all this not to gain praise, or to brag, but to tell you that I am downright SICK of caring about my weight! 

Since my victorious 90lbs do you know how much I've actually celebrated my weightloss? Zero. 

I lost an entire 5th grader and never congratulated myself. In fact, even after all that, I mentally beat myself up everytime I ate a piece of cake, and still continue to do so. I ask myself why I can't have self control, and then I tell myself that I'm never going to be skinny, I can never wear a swimming suit in public again, boys will never ever like me, which means I'll never get married, so I'll never have sex and I'll live my life as an angry, lonely old fat woman. Then I eat a the whole pint of Chunky Monkey. Cause that's what I am. A chunky monkey.

Little irrational? Yeah. I know. And I am tired of it. I am sick of wanting to be thin. I just want to feel good about my choices. 

I went to this revolutionizing presentation the other night about how the media has screwed up our perceptions of what a "normal" woman should look like, and it's brainwashed us to think that "thin" and "beautiful" equal "happiness" and "success." In this presentation was a study about how the better you feel about yourself, the better choices you make. Loving yourself = Healthy Choices. Hating yourself = Downward spiral. You should check their website out. I had a lot of mini revelations, and just in the last few days I've realized that the more I've loved myself, the more I've loved my choices, which in turn, makes me love myself more. Isn't that amazing!?

So to sum this up: Hot and chubby? Damn Straight ;)

Adobe CS3

Somewhere along the way I became the Graphic Designer for our office, but was completely unequipped to do so. So I did some research and some bribery and my roommate's brother was kind enough to gift me his outdated, portable version of Adobe CS3. This includes, but is not limited to: Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Page Maker, Fireworks, Light Room and Dreamweaver. I don't know what most of those are, but doesn't Dreamweaver sound awesome!?

I'm like a kid on Christmas.

Oh yeah, and it's my birthday :)

And now a word....

....about my red hair.

I love it. But due to it's continuous fading it will be recolored tomorrow. Stay tuned!